Into the Tower
by Musicera
Summary: After Fairy Tail disbands, Cobra finds Lucy drunk in a bar. In an act of kindness he'd rather not talk about, he drags her upstairs to sleep it off. Fast forward and Lucy has teamed up with Crime Sorciere as they try and uncover the truth behind the Tower, but all her attentions are focused on its blue-haired leader. Cobra could care less, right? CoLu; Lemon; Smut; Fluff; Romance
1. Chapter 1

_Oh, hello there. I guess you're here to read the story of my fucked up life, is that it? Was it the title that got you? You know, the full title is "Into the Tower: The Story of How Cobra became King." I pitched it to Mus but she wasn't feeling it. She's an idiot like that._

 _Shit, I'm not really sure where to start. No, I don't have performance anxiety! Alright, I've got it…_

. . .

 **Introduction**

. . .

The bubbles in his drink were going flat and Lucy had been drinking for several hours before he came to understand the gravity of his situation. Cobra sighed, downing the rest of his beer before slamming the mug on the table. A few patrons around him gave him a hard stare, but the one-eyed slayer had that "Don't fucking mess with me" look so people kept their distance.

Walking over to the blonde, he tapped her on her shoulder. She hiccupped before turning around. Looking into his eye, she quieted down quickly. That is, before she pointed her finger and started laughing loud enough for everyone to hear. "You look so serious!" she giggled between hiccups.

Cobra ran his fingers through his wild maroon locks, causing them to mess even more than they already were. "Cut the shit, sweetheart, you're drunk."

"Yeah? So what?" Lucy responded, sobering instantly. "Who are you supposed to be, my father?"

Cobra got a mischievous glint in his eye as he thought about all things involving Lucy and spanking. He brushed the thought aside. The girl was hot, that much was easy to see, but she was also annoying as fuck. The slayer rolled his eye before reaching out to touch her shoulder. "I guess we'll have to do this the old fashioned way, with maximum effort." Within seconds, the girl slumped forward, her blonde hair splaying out on the sticky bar in front of her.

Cobra caught her before she fell to the floor, lifting her up with ease and carrying her upstairs to one of the rooms Crime Sorciere had rented.

 _Don't fucking roll your eyes. Yeah, I'm still part of that pussy-assed crime fighting guild. No, it's not because I have guilt. I don't have a gaping hole for genitals like its blue-balled leader, thanks. Just wanted to make that clear. Anyways, back to me carrying sugar-tits up the stairs._

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" Angel barked at him as he opened the door to her room. Even at this hour of the night, Angel looked just like her name. Her white hair flowed gracefully down past her shoulders and her white night slip shimmered in the evening light, giving her a beautiful silhouette.

"Fuck if I know," Cobra responded. He really didn't know. Old Cobra wouldn't have given a damn about some chick that got wasted in a bar. Old Cobra would have likely tried to take advantage of the situation for his own personal gratification. But something about the way the men were looking at Lucy had him hauling her drunk ass upstairs before he could do some self-reflection, _or whatever shit they call it now._

He deposited the sleeping celestial mage on the spare bed. Angel started yelling about what she was supposed to do with the girl and Cobra delighted in flipping her the bird as he closed the door behind him.

"What's going on?"

"FUCK!" Cobra startled. "How the hell do you _do_ that, creepy bastard?" Cobra fixed his gaze on the Guild's self-appointed leader, Jellal Fernandez.

"What's going on?" the man said again, in his even tone. Cobra rolled his eye. His appearance hadn't changed since he first met him: wild blue hair and a red tattoo running down the side of his face that originally had Cobra giving him mad respect. _Too bad the guy's got a stick up his ass._

"Nothing, really. That blonde chick from Fairy Tail was downstairs completely wasted. I only encouraged what would be her inevitable passing out and stashed her with Angel for safekeeping. She'll come to in the morning." Jellal looked at Cobra with a furrowed brow. "Don't fucking do that, it creeps me out," Cobra replied under his gaze.

"It's not like you to care about someone."

Cobra laughed it off. "Don't be a fucktard. Now that hot blonde owes me a favor."

"That seems more like you," Jellal said with a nod of his head.

"You know me so well, blueballs," Cobra responded in a mock-tone. Reaching up, he stroked the side of Jellal's face because— _because I love fucking with the man, that's why. No, not literally. Have you seen the guy? I'm not even sure if he knows what to do with his—fuck!_

Cobra watched as Jellal crumpled to the floor in front of him. "Forgot about that sleep agent I secreted onto my hand earlier."

Angel almost screamed when her door was kicked open a second time that evening and she barely got out of the way before Jellal landed with a thud next to Lucy. "What the hell did you do?" she directed at Cobra, who was already trying to leave the room.

"He looked like he needed some rest," Cobra responded with a grin.

"Now where am I supposed to sleep?"

"With me?" Cobra said, blinking his one eye in an attempt to wink. _Shut up, it's fucking complicated when you've only got one eye._

"Gross," she said with repulsion. _I agree. Angel, or should I say, Sorano and I grew up together. It was one fucked up childhood. I'll get into that later. All good things, my dears, all good things. But, yeah, nothing but sibling antics between us, and that's the honest truth._

"That you are." Angel rolled her eyes. "Well, enjoy the company. I'm going to bed. After all this work, I'm exhausted."

As he closed the door, Cobra distinctly heard Angel yell, "Fuck you, Erik!"

He laughed. _Some things never change._

END CHAPTER 1

. . .

 _Right, so there you have it. How everything started. Come back later for chapter two. It's still being written. Don't complain to me; I'm not in charge of the schedule._

 _Oh, and give some mad love to MadSoullessQueen. She was the one that opened the door to my Fourth Wall Breaking madness. Her CoLu Week story is awesome—mainly because it was written by her and it features me._

 _And this story is also dedicated to her cause of some shit that went down way back on Valentine's Day. Don't fucking look at me. I know it's late too._

 _And incase you haven't noticed, I'll be doing all the author's notes from here on out. Mus is fine, I promise. It took some convincing, but she finally relented. No, I didn't poison her—much…_

 _Later bitches!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Vomit**

. . .

As he closed the door, Cobra distinctly heard Angel yell, "Fuck you, Erik!"

He laughed. _Some things never change._

. . .

Lucy groaned as light filtered through the nearby window. Keeping her eyes shut, she attempted to turn away from the source, only to suffer instant nausea.

"You're awake," a smooth voice said. "Are you feeling okay?"

Lucy sighed, letting her eyes finally open. She couldn't delay the inevitable; that awkward "morning after" ritual that she had come to know so well these past couple of months. She couldn't remember a thing from last night but she knew the signs all too well: a stranger's voice, a room she didn't recognize and the mother of all hangovers. She just hoped that the guy was somewhat decent.

When she finally tried to sit up in bed, the dizziness hit her and she was instantly trying to lie back down. "Easy there," the voice said in a soothing tone.

Lucy blinked and had to stop herself from falling out of the bed in shock. Sharing the bed with her was none other than Jellal Fernandez, former Wizard Saint and current Guildmaster of Crime Sorciere.

"Did we?" but Lucy didn't get far in her line of questioning before her body made it clear that it no longer intended to hold onto the alcohol in her system. "Bathroom!" she said frantically and Jellal pointed to the door on the left side of the room.

In the most embarrassing scene of her life thus far, Lucy ran from the bed they were sharing, slamming the bathroom door behind her and thankfully just made it to the toilet before expelling everything she had consumed the night before. In between heaves, she had the good sense to turn the fan on. _Maybe it will cover up some of the noises_ , she thought hopelessly.

Fifteen minutes later and she emerged from the small room without her pride. Jellal was sitting on the bed, feet on the floor and his gaze downward. Lucy gulped as she took in the sight. He was always so strong and silent, so unlike her former teammates. There was something about him that had her heart beating a bit faster than normal.

He looked up and his features softened. "Are you okay?"

"Mortified, but otherwise I'm fine now, thanks," she responded a bit sheepishly. "So, do you know," she hesitated, "how we got here."

Jellal's mouth turned up in not-quite a smile. "Not to worry. Erik found you downstairs nearly passed out and brought you up here for safekeeping. I suppose he thought it'd be funny to knock me out, as well. But you needn't worry. You and I spent the entire evening sleeping off Erik's sleep agent."

"Oh," Lucy said, a bit relieved but also a bit disappointed. "Well that's good." She hesitated, thinking over what the man had just said. "Who's Erik?"

Jellal chuckled a bit at that. "I suppose you know him by the name Cobra. Erik was his given name."

Lucy made a face that Jellal didn't miss. She hadn't had the best encounters with Cobra in the past. The one most vividly in her memory was when he tried to turn her into a clock.

"Correction. I didn't actively try to turn you _into_ a clock. I just thought it'd be fun to see what happened."

Lucy startled as she heard a voice from behind her enter the room. She instantly regretted whipping herself around to take a look as the room didn't stop spinning when she did. The image of a tall and somewhat muscular man wearing a vivid white coat with a standup collar floated around her eyesight for a few seconds before she caught her bearings. She recognized his wild maroon locks and intense purple eye and instantly knew who it was. "What do you want?"

 _I suppose you're wondering if I'm butt-hurt over the fact that she's still pissed at me, huh? Truth is, I'm not. It was a dick move on our part. I mean, we tried to turn the girl into a fucking CLOCK! When you look at it from that perspective—well look there's no way around it, it's actually pretty funny. Who even comes up with this shit? I wish I was sober for when they tried to pitch that plan to the team. Fuckin' turning someone into a clock. That shit is hilarious._

"Awe, you wound me kitty cat. After I saved you from another drunken mistake last night, I thought you'd at least be happy to see me," Cobra walked up to the girl and put his arm around her before instantly recoiling. "Damn, sweetheart, the stench of booze and regret doesn't suite you."

Lucy pushed his arm off her shoulders and walked towards the bed to grab her shoes. "Thank you for what you did for me," she said curtly. "I'll be leaving now." She turned to Jellal and grabbed his hand briefly, causing the man's eyes to widen. "Thank you for caring about me." And with that, she turned on her heel and left the room.

"What's wrong with her?" Angel asked as she sidestepped the girl in the hallway.

"She's depressed because her Guild disbanded and her team abandoned her and she doesn't have strong coping skills so she's drowning her sorrows in booze and men," Cobra said while idly picking dirt out of his nails. Jellal and Angel gave him hard stares and he looked up at them. "What?"

"You're a dick, you know that?" Jellal said as he brushed past Cobra, purposely bumping into his shoulder as he exited the room.

Cobra smirked. "Such dirty language from our gentleman. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"He's right, you know," Angel said as she grabbed a few things from her bag.

"Where the hell were you all this time?" Cobra asked, narrowing his brow.

"None of your damn business," Angel responded crossly.

"It's fine. I hope the man was as good as his looks."

"God, you're such an asshole."

 _You might also be wondering if I care that people seem to find me intolerable on an almost consistent basis. I don't. I figure, that's their problem. I'm fantastic. They just haven't realized that yet._

Back outside, Jellal quickened his pace and finally caught up with Lucy as she was exiting the front of the inn. "Lucy!" he yelled and she slowed her steps but continued walking.

"I'm sorry for causing you any trouble. But I have to go now," she said. She gasped as the blue-haired man grabbed her by the wrist. "And where is it, exactly, that you have to go?"

"I-I," she stumbled over her words, not exactly sure what to say. She'd lost her apartment shortly after the Guild had disbanded, unable to find work she could handle on her own. She'd been living off her savings and what she could make waiting tables as she tried to figure out her next steps. But, it'd been several months and she was still right where she started.

"Join up with us."

His words shocked her and she stopped to look up into his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, join Crime Sorciere."

"But why?" She couldn't understand why he would make such a proposal. She wasn't sure she'd fit in. And she didn't want to be anybody's charity case.

"Because you're a strong wizard and we could benefit from your help." His words made her heart swell briefly and then he added, "Besides, you look like you could use a friend right now."

She cringed. There it was, the pity. And she couldn't handle it. She kept her eyes trained on the ground, unable to look up at the heavenly body mage, "Thank you, but no. I can make it on my own." And with those words, she wrenched herself free from his grasp, disappearing down the street, leaving a rather stunned and confused man behind her.

END CHAPTER 2

. . .

 _Ha! Guess who named the chapter? Don't tell Mus; I snuck it in right before she posted. I'm awesome that way._

 _I can tell you're all worried about how beach blonde ends up with me. I bet you're all thinking that Blueballs would be a better boyfriend, huh? Well, shut the fuck up! Thinking things like that could hurt a guy's feelings, you know._

 _But in all seriousness, we all know the guy with the bigger dick wins, so there's no need for any of you to worry. Also, you're welcome for that visual._

 _Well, it's late and I'm bored._

 _Don't expect such an awesome update schedule in the future. Mus' life is almost as fucked up as mine._

 _Later bitches!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Beer**

She cringed. There it was, the pity. And she couldn't handle it. She kept her eyes trained on the ground, unable to look up at the heavenly body mage, "Thank you, but no. I can make it on my own." And with those words, she wrenched herself free from his grasp, disappearing down the street, leaving a rather stunned and confused man behind her.

"What the fuck is this?!" Cobra exclaimed. He looked around him and from the light of the small fire, he could see what someone could call a makeshift camp, at best.

"Who's there?" the slurred words came from somewhere up ahead. He already knew it was Lucy. He could hear her frantic soul a mile away. It was what brought him here in the first place, but she was a mess again. He could smell the booze on her from where he was standing, as if the empty beer cans by the fire weren't a giveaway.

He kicked one of the cans away as he walked towards the sheet she had set up as a tent. "Old Magnolia? Really Candy Corn, you couldn't at least have gotten a better beer?"

Lucy stumbled out of her "tent" and stood shakily to address Cobra. "For your information," she said with slurred words, "I'm broke. So there."

For the first time in a while, Cobra let out a genuine laugh. "Got me there, Sugar. Got nothing to come back with."

"What's with all the fucking nicknames?" she hiccupped as she all but fell onto the log around the fire. She reached for another beer but Cobra was quick to snatch them away.

"I think you've had enough for at least two nights."

"Nicknames!" Lucy demanded. "Why?"

"It's how I mess with people? You happy now?" Cobra retorted, trying to play keep away with the beer.

"Why you messin' with people?"

"What are you, my fucking therapist? Cause if you are, I really think its all my mom's fault. Or maybe it was the crush I had on my babysitter."

"Fuck you," Lucy slurred, tipping dangerously close to the fire as she tried in vane to reach her drinks again.

"That can be arranged," Cobra said out of habit as he righted the girl on the log. "What's going on with you, anyways?"

Lucy let herself slide off the log and began crawling slowly towards Cobra. He watched her intently as she placed herself in between his legs.

 _Okay, pause. I know what you're thinking: who was this babysitter and why did I have a crush on her, right? Well you see, her name was Melinda and—oh, I'm sorry, did you just say you don't give a shit about that? And you're actually wondering why I'm out in the middle of the forest with Lucy about to go casting couch on me? Whoops, looks like our sessions over. I guess we'll pick up on this next time, doc._

"Lucy, I don't think," he started to say but she cut him off.

"What's the matter? Not hot enough for you?" As she said the words she leaned in, clearly trying to give him a good view down her cleavage.

 _And damn, it really is nice cleavage._

"Well, you see my standards are pretty high but I'd say you at least pass—what the?"

"Ha!" Lucy laughed at him as she stumbled back to the other side of the fire, hugging another can of beer against her chest.

"Sneaky vixen," Cobra muttered under his breath. "You know you're at your limit. I can smell the alcohol content off your skin."

"Oh, shut up already, mom. I can't hear you with your giant vagina in the way!" The can clicked and fizzled as she popped it open and took a swig.

"That doesn't even make sense," Cobra responded with narrowed eyes. "If you're going to talk about my vagina, at least say something that makes sense." Lucy giggled at his retort before taking another drink. "Wanna tell me why you're living in the fucking forest?"

"Wanna tell me why you're trespassing on my home?" she said, pointing her finger in his general direction.

Cobra ran his hand through his thick locks. "Watch it, blondie. Your crazy level is rising above your hotness threshold. Why are you out here?" he repeated.

"I told you before, cause I'm broke," she said with a sad look in her eyes.

Cobra could hear her soul crying and it made him cringe. It was mourning the loss of a lifelong friend, as well as trying to process feelings of abandonment. The poor girl was on emotional overload.

"Blueballs said he wants you to join up with us," Cobra responded, cracking a beer open for himself. "God this stuff is really awful," he muttered as he let the liquid slide down his throat.

"I ain't no ones charity case," she slurred back.

Cobra laughed. "Um, look around sweetheart. You're living in the fucking forest. You most certainly qualify for welfare."

"I'm not taking handouts. I can make it on my own." Lucy was starting to sway dangerously.

"Fuck that noise. It's not a fucking handout. He's offering you a spot in our guild. It's a pussy-assed guild with a pussy-assed name, but it's a guild and work nonetheless."

 _I know. This is so unlike me to care so hard. It's gotta be the tits, right? I'm totally distracted by them. They're amazing! I think it's because if she joins the guild, I'll get to look at them all the time. It will be so nice to have nice tits to look at. Angel's really let herself go after all. I'm kidding. But I got you wondering, didn't I?_

"If you're gonna say pussy, at least have it make sense," she said slowly, in a heavy slur, before she finally fell onto the floor, completely passed out from the booze.

"Well, that was right on schedule. Alright, now to get her out of the fucking forest." Cobra, none too gently, _what, she's drunk. It's not like she can feel anything_ , hauled the girl over his shoulder. "God, I wish you were full grown," he said to the boa currently curled up asleep in his pocket. "Oh well, maximum effort," he said as he started walking towards the inn.

END CHAPTER 3

 _Honestly, this girl is more trouble than she's worth. I wasn't joking when I said she's gone way out of zone on the crazy/hot matrix. And she's pretty hot, so her crazy level is way high right now._

 _I tried to see if Mus might hook me up with someone who was a little easier, you know? A little less effort is all. Like that psycho water-mage. She's crazy, but you know what they say about crazy, they'll try anything once. Anyways, Mus she said no, cause she can be an uptight bitch._

 _I guess we're just going to have to see this whole love thing through. Gag._

 _I can't wait until we get to the part where I become King! Please, let's get to that part!_

 _Oh, you're still here. Why? Go home. The chapter's over. Oh but leave a review before you leave. It's a total dick move not to._


	4. Chapter 4

**Discomfort**

. . .

"Well, that was right on schedule. Alright, now to get her out of the fucking forest." Cobra, none too gently, _what, she's drunk. It's not like she can feel anything_ , hauled the girl over his shoulder. "God, I wish you were full grown," he said to the boa currently curled up asleep in his pocket. "Oh well, maximum effort," he said as he started walking towards the inn.

. . .

"You know, Erik, if you keep showing up with a passed out Lucy every night, people are going to talk," Jellal said as he watched his guildmate lay the girl out on the bed from which she had run away not twelve hours before.

"So nice to hear you make a joke for once," Cobra replied, flashing the man a crooked smile. Jellal gave him a somewhat confused look and Coba sighed. "Nevermind. I had a moment of insanity; I thought you were being cool."

"That's hilarious, Erik. You, having only a _moment_ of insanity," Angel quipped.

"Someone showed up to the party!" Cobra responded, elbowing the girl lightly and she laughed.

 _Don't worry, Angel couldn't possibly stay mad at me for long. That's the trick to being an insufferable asshole, you have be one all the time. You see, the problem is that some people only go full dick on occasion so when that happens, they surprise the shit out of everyone. Me, on the other hand, you can always count on me to an SOB. Right, my lesson to the world: if you're going to be an asshole, be one all the time. Fuck, I'm wise._

"I thought your drugging women days were over," she laughed, taking a seat at the small table in the hotel room.

Cobra laughed, pushing Lucy's legs out of the way so he could sit on the edge of the bed. "You know I'd never give up such a pastime. Besides, I didn't even have to drug this one! She did all this herself. Such a big girl," he said, giving the blonde a mock look of approval.

"I'd like to discuss her situation, Erik," Jellal said with a furrowed brow.

"Discuss away. She's out cold. She drank at least an entire pack of Old Magnolia by herself."

"What a trashy beer," Angel said with a look of disgust.

"This girl gets it!" Cobra laughed.

"Can you two be serious for a moment?"

"I'm assuming you don't mean that literally?" Jellal fixed him with a hard stare and Cobra scratched the back of his head. "Cause I never can quite tell with you. You're such a literal person after all—"

"Erik!" Jellal all but yelled.

 _Jeesh. What did I tell you? I think the guy is even more ornery when he's sitting down. It shoves the stick that much more up his ass, you know? Honestly, this was my inspiration for the chapter's title._

 _Yeah, you just scrolled up to look and it all makes sense now!_

"Alright, fine. What did you want to talk about?"

"Something needs to be done about Lucy. We can't just leave her like this. She's very clearly not okay."

"She's a big girl, Jellal. Besides, I don't want her rich daddy coming after us like he did with Fairy Tail. We're supposed to fly under the radar, remember?" Angel said with a bit of disdain.

"Well that's not gonna be a problem. Her dad's dead and he lost his fortune a while ago," Cobra said in flat voice. His two guildmates just stared at him in shock. "What? Why are you always surprised when I drop this stuff? It's like you constantly forget about the magic I was born with. A guy could get offended," he said in fake sadness.

The pair simply ignored him. "Well, that does make things easier. But, she turned me down flat yesterday."

"Ah, you see, your mistake was that you asked her to sleep with you when she was sober. Rookie move. Better luck tomorrow," Cobra said with a wide grin.

Angel threw a pad of paper in his direction and he dodged it easily. "You're such a prick, Erik."

"You're just noticing this now?"

Jellal rolled his eyes. "I'm talking about joining the Guild. For a second I thought she might, but then she turned me down and ran away. I'm not sure what happened."

"Not to worry Blueballs, she already told me she would join last night in the forest," Cobra said, looking bored.

"She did?" Jellal responded, ignoring the nickname.

 _She didn't._

"That's right. Don't say I don't follow my own advice, cause I asked her drunk. But if you don't mind, I'd like to handle dropping the news on the girl when she wakes up. I wanna see her reaction, see if she remembers, you know how it is."

Jellal shrugged. "Just behave yourself."

"You don't even have to say that."

"That's because you won't," Jellal retorted.

"Oh! Look who finally joined the party! Look Angel, our little boy made a joke!"

Angel fixed Erik with a bored stare. "No, Erik, he didn't. He was being serious. We all know you can't behave yourself."

"And yet you still love me. It's why I stick around you two weirdos." Cobra looked around briefly. "Speaking of weirdos, how're Dick, Speedy and Baby Spice doing?"

"Their names are Richard, Sawyer and Meredy, Erik," Jellal said, keeping his voice even. "And they're fine. They touched base with me last night before you pulled your little stunt. I had been planning on giving you all a briefing then."

"My bad. But you have to admit, watching you crumple to the ground like that was really hilarious." Cobra tapped his bottom lip. "But I guess it was at your expense, so…"

"Did they find anything in Caelum?" Angel inquired. The group of three had split and gone ahead to go to the Kingdom of Caelum. The entire guild had been eager to learn the truth behind their childhood and they had finally put plans in motion to do just that.

"Nothing," Jellal responded, looking sober. "It's as if the people don't even know about the Tower. And no one speaks about what happened when we were young."

"Out of fear?" Angel clarified.

"No. Richard said it was almost as if they didn't know about that time at all. It's like it's been completely wiped from the history books."

Cobra listened silently to everything that was being said. The entire situation made him uncomfortable, to say the least, but he was still curious about his childhood. To this day, all he could remember was growing up in that cursed Tower. He had vague flashes of a life before all that suffering, but every time he tried to focus on them, they would dissipate, as if something was keeping him from remembering. The entire situation made him uneasy.

"Well, glad they're still alive, or not. Whatever. If you could all fucking leave now, I'd like to get some shut eye," Cobra said coolly, trying to change the subject.

"Excuse me, but this is my room," Angel said hotly.

"Ugh, fine," Cobra responded, standing up and hauling Lucy over his shoulder. The girl stirred a bit and Cobra jostled her a little extra and she passed out again.

"Where are you taking her?" Jellal asked, standing up to block Cobra's way.

"Relax, man. I'm just gonna let her sleep off the booze in my room. I wanna talk to her in private when she wakes up." Jellal fixed him with a sideways glance and Cobra rolled his eye. "Come on, man. You know I wouldn't actually hurt her. I'm not that much of a prick."

"Okay," Jellal said, stepping aside. "But we're leaving tomorrow morning on the ferry for Caelum. So whatever you two need to talk about, best discuss it before ten when we head out."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it," Cobra said, waving his hand as he walked out the door.

"You really think this is a good idea?" Angel finally asked after Cobra shut the door.

"Erik has a strange way about him," Jellal said, still fixing his gaze on the door. "He may be able to get through to her in a way I couldn't."

Angel shrugged her shoulders and headed towards the bathroom as Jellal headed towards his own room.

Down the hall, Cobra deposited Lucy on the spare bed in his room and fixed her sleeping form a thoughtful look. "You're one messed up chick, you know that Sugar?" He pressed him palm into her forehead, drawing out some of the toxins floating in her body so she could rest easier.

Lucy grabbed at the covers and turned over in her sleep, mumbling to herself and Cobra almost smiled, her soul feeling a little more at peace.

END CHAPTER 4

. . .

 _Awe, fuck, this chapter ended so god damn mushy. What the hell is Mus doing? She's making me out to be some scared pussy. I am not, by the way. I just had a fucked up childhood, you know how it goes._

 _I gotta admit, you guys have been pretty cool, following, favoriting and reviewing. I mean, it's me, so I get it. But I just wanted to make you feel better about yourselves. You're welcome._

 _I know a few of you are still thinking about my dick from like two chapters ago. It's cool, it has that effect on people._

 _Later bitches!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Bounce**

. . .

Down the hall, Cobra deposited Lucy on the spare bed in his room and fixed her sleeping form a thoughtful look. "You're one messed up chick, you know that Sugar?" He pressed him palm into her forehead, drawing out some of the toxins floating in her body so she could rest easier.

Lucy grabbed at the covers and turned over in her sleep, mumbling to herself and Cobra almost smiled, her soul feeling a little more at peace.

. . .

"Would you please explain to me why I'm in a room, with you, and alone? Cause I don't care how drunk I was, that's a line I'd never cross," Lucy said, sitting up in the spare bed, crossing her arms beneath her chest.

 _Mus means tits. Crossing her arms beneath her tits sounds one hell of a lot better._

"Is that a bet? Shall we roll the footage?" Cobra responded, keeping a straight face.

Lucy looked slightly nervous. "There's a tape?"

 _I know, this is wrong, but it's so much fun!_

"Oh, Sugar, there's so much more than just a tape." Lucy gulped. "What's wrong? Thought you said no way, no how, not ever, no matter what." A mischievous glint flashed in Cobra's eye and Lucy chucked a pillow at him.

"You asshole."

"Yeah, yeah. Look, we gotta talk."

"Um, no," Lucy responded, climbing out of the bed and looking around for her shoes that she had somehow kicked off in her sleep. _Or, fuck, I might have lost them in the forest. Who really knows?_

"Um, yes," Cobra said a bit more forcefully.

Finding them under the bed, _you were all fucking worried_ , Lucy sat on the bed and began pulling the boots on. "Um, no, we don't. Unless you plan on imprisoning me here."

Cobra narrowed his eye. _Yeah I only have one, get over it already. You should have seen the other guy. That third eye just doesn't go with his wardrobe._ "I think you'd like to hear what I have to say."

"You? Think? That's new," Lucy scoffed, standing up and heading towards the door.

"Okay, but, don't come crying to me when you lose all your friends," Cobra yawned, spreading his arms wide over his body.

Lucy hesitated, her fingers halting on the doorknob. "What are you talking about?"

Cobra smirked, knowing he'd finally hooked her. "Your spirits. They're your friends, right. Don't come crying to me when you lose all of them."

She turned around and pointed a finger at him. "Why would I lose any more of them."

Cobra winced, hearing her say any _more_. He knew this was a low blow but he also knew it was the only way to get what he wanted. _Cause I'm perceptive as fuck_. "Isn't there some rule against breaking your word for you people?" Lucy narrowed her eyes and Cobra sighed. "You as in, you Celestial Mages."

She looked surprised. "How do you know that?"

"Cause I'm perceptive as fuck," Cobra said with a smile turning his head.

"Who are you looking at?" Lucy asked, following Cobra's gaze and the Slayer just laughed.

"No one important." _Let's not kid ourselves here._ "Anyways," he said, turning his attention back to the blonde. "Don't be upset with me when they all leave."

Lucy let out an exasperated sigh and walked back over to the bed. Falling heavily on the mattress she finally said, "Fine. What?"

"Way back when I was a kid, in between torture sessions," _I know, I just took it there_ , _and you're not sure if I'm joking,_ "I was told to never give something away for free. So what's the info worth to you, Sugar?"

"Are you propositioning me?" Lucy asked, propping herself up on her elbows.

Cobra could listen to her soul. There was definite question within her as well as a small bit of intrigue. _I'm sure you're probably wondering, "Oh, wise and magnificent Cobra, why are we not getting the internal dialogue of this crazy chick's soul? We get it elsewhere! Why not here? Why not now?" Well, my unwashed masses, the reason is because souls don't fucking speak. They feel. They don't have a brain, so they don't fucking talk. Shocker, I know. But honestly, who did you think I was some fucking fairy from a vampire show? She should have ended up with Eric, by the way. Too bad the assclown spells his name wrong._

 _Where the fuck were we? You distracted me. Oh right, Lucy just asked if I was propositioning her._ Faster than she could comprehend, Cobra was on her, his knee pressing her legs further open, his arms caging her body. She looked up at him, his shadow blocking out the light of the room and he felt her soul reach for him slightly. Satisfied with her response, he whispered, "I don't need to stoop to such depths." He backed off and Lucy tried not to visibly gulp for air. "Besides, there's at least 47 people currently thinking about my dick, thanks," he said, taking a seat back at the other side of the room.

 _Forty seven is the number of people who are currently following the best story in the world written about the most amazing mage in the world. I expect this number to rise…just like…the sun. What did you think I was going to say? Perverts…_

Lucy gave him a confused look and Cobra snickered. "So, what is it you want?"

"A favor."

"I know, _what favor?_ " Lucy asked again, snapping her fingers.

"Don't know yet," Cobra responded, maintaining his passive exterior but watching Lucy closely.

She sighed. "So you want an 'I owe you,' huh?"

"Yeah, something like that," Cobra responded.

Lucy hesitated. Cobra listened and he could sense her line of thinking was that there was very little risk, given that she wouldn't likely be seeing him again. "Fine," she finally responded.

"I can cash it in at any time and for anything I want?"

"As long as it doesn't cause harm to me, my friends, or my relationships with them, then yes," she said with her chin slightly lifted.

Cobra grinned. "Done. You'll be joining Crime Sorciere."

Lucy scoffed. "I already told you, I wasn't."

"Last night, when you were drunk AF, I asked you again, and you agreed. Gave your word. Swore up and down about how much a celestial mage's word meant." Cobra watched as the color drained out of her face. "And when I asked whether it mattered if you were drunk, you said again, your word was your word and that was that." Cobra raised one eyebrow and smiled a bit deviously. "So, the ferry leaves in thirty minutes for the Kingdom of Caelum. Can't wait to see your tits on it, Sugar."

Lucy stayed silent, taking in the information. Cobra could hear the panic in her soul before turning to rationalization. "I guess, if I gave my word." Her voice trailed off. "It's just that, I don't remember anything."

"You were pretty smashed," Cobra said with a nod of his head.

He heard the switch as she was silently working through things again. Finally, he felt the waves of resignation and she met his gaze with hers. "Okay. If I gave my word then I will stand by it. I'll join Crime Sorciere."

Cobra held up his hands and snickered. "Better check with Blueballs first if the offer is still on the table. He seemed pretty butt-hurt about you turning him down."

Cobra felt anxiety take residence in Lucy's soul along with a bit of lust and he tried to keep his features schooled. _She'll have to figure out the hard way that the man was born without functioning equipment. Oops, made a pun._

"Why would you ask me, if you didn't have the authority to do so?" Lucy huffed, narrowing one eye at him.

"Fuck if I know. You think I have _the authority_ to do half the shit I do? Keep dreaming sweetie," he laughed.

Lucy rolled her eyes. "Come on. Better get this over with, then."

"That's what I say every time I have to talk to the Blue Lagoon." Lucy actually giggled at his joke and Cobra smiled. "'Bout time. Welcome to the fucking party."

END CHAPTER 5

. . .

 _Um, yeah. She laughed. Cause I'm funny as shit. And just, so damn wise._

 _Naming chapters is fun. Huh? It's supposed to relate to what's about to happen? Too bad. I'm in charge._

 _Don't fucking tell anyone that I can't hear what they're thinking. Watching people freak the fuck out trying to stop thinking has always made me laugh. It's a favorite past time of mine that fills up a good portion of my day. Trust me, you don't want to see what happens when I get bored._

 _Liked how I got all sultry on her ass, huh? Admit it. You're all so damn horny I bet you creamed yourself just reading about my suave. You have no idea what's in store. Mus and I sat down and had that discussion about how far I was willing to go on screen. Let's just say, I'm an 'all the way' kinda guy._

 _Review or die a horrible death via poison!_

 _Later bitches!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Buttmonkey**

. . .

"Why would you ask me, if you didn't have the authority to do so?" Lucy huffed, narrowing one eye at him.

"Fuck if I know. You think I have _the authority_ to do half the shit I do? Keep dreaming sweetie," he laughed.

Lucy rolled her eyes. "Come on. Better get this over with, then."

"That's what I say every time I have to talk to the Blue Lagoon." Lucy actually giggled at his joke and Cobra smiled. "'Bout time. Welcome to the fucking party."

. . .

"So how'd you do it?" Jellal asked, cocking his head towards the blonde who was currently talking to a wary looking Angel.

"Do what?" _I know what he's talking about, I just like making him work for it. Mom told me easy girls never get the guy in the end._

Jellal sighed. "How'd you convince Lucy to join the Guild? She approached me not thirty minutes before we were set to head down to the port and asked if my offer was still on the table. This coming after she, for lack of a better phrase, spent the night with you."

Cobra nodded in understanding. "Spending the night with me can be very persuasive."

Jellal shook his head, his blue hair swaying. "I suppose it was too much to hope for a straight answer."

"Spend the night with me and find out," Cobra responded, flashing the heavenly mage a blink.

 _You may be wondering, how'd I lose my right eye? Well, you see, back when I was just a tyke, my mom took me to the zoo. We went to the tiger exhibit and while I was looking around, she decided to buy me an ice cream cone! While I was still eating the ice cream cone, we walked over to the lion exhibit. While I was there, I'd finished the cone but was left with the paper wrapper. There wasn't anywhere to throw it out, so we walked over to the rhino exhibit. Luckily we found a trash can and I was able to throw away the wrapper. But by that time, I was so exhausted that we decided to head home for the day._

 _Oh, sorry, that has nothing to do with my eye. Just thought you'd like to hear about my trip to the zoo._

 _Where were we? Oh right, I was also fucking with Tropical Paradise._

"If you keep being an insufferable asshole, people aren't going to want to be around you," a tangy voice said from somewhere to his left. Cobra looked up and watched as Lucy walked towards him, a slight smirk on her lips.

Cobra nodded his head. "That's what everyone keeps telling me but it's not working!" he said, putting his hands on his hips.

Lucy let her head fall back and shook it for good measure before righting herself. "You're too much."

Cobra smirked. "That's what she said."

"Oh my god."

"Right after she said that." _This girl is too easy. Her joining the Guild is going to be so much fun. I mean honestly, I'm not seeing the whole romance vibe Mus is pushing but at least I've got someone new to mess with._

"So, what are we going to Caelum for?" Lucy asked, deciding to ignore Cobra and focus her attentions on Jellal instead.

Jellal met her gaze and proceeded to give her the important details of the Guild's current mission. "All of us, except for Meredy, suffered a childhood inside the Tower of Heaven."

Lucy nodded. "Yeah, Erza's told me a little bit about her childhood."

Jellal nodded. "Yes, she was there with us. But none of us know exactly how we came to be there. Many of our villages were raided by Cultists of Zeref, or at least that's what we thought." Jellal seemed frustrated. "There's so many questions. So we're going back there to try and get some answers."

Lucy nodded and placed her hand on his. The man flinched slightly and she withdrew. Cobra watched the entire scene from a distance. It wasn't the girl's fault, she didn't know that Jellal had a thing about getting too close to people outside their little fucked up group.

"I'm sorry," she said, looking slightly uncomfortable. "I just wanted to tell you that I might be able to help. One of my spirits is able to do research into archives not available to the public. If you come across something, he should be able to help."

Jellal tried to recover. "It's fine. I appreciate the offer. I'm sure your spirit will be of great help to us."

Lucy smiled slightly and Angel joined the group. "When are we heading to the island?"

Lucy looked confused and Jellal explained. "The Tower was built on an island owned by the Kingdom of Caelum. Caelum itself suffered a tragic civil war, which ended about twenty years ago. Perhaps the fighting was what allowed children to be stolen and such a structure to be built without notice." Jellal shrugged, looking somewhat defeated. He turned his gaze to Angel. "We'll be heading to the mainland first. There, we'll meet up with the others and find out what they know. The plan is to make it to the Tower by the month's end."

Jellal and Angel began to talk about lodging preparations and Lucy happened to glance over at the poison slayer. He was looking rather uncomfortable, sitting in a lounge by one of the deck rails.

"Mind if I join you?" she asked him, pulling up her own chair.

"Looks like I don't have a choice."

Lucy just rolled her eyes and took a seat. "So, do you get motion sickness?"

"What? Fuck, no," Cobra lied.

"Weird, cause all the dragon slayers I know have terrible motion sickness."

"You're missing a floating variable. All the dragon slayers you know are pussies. And pussies have motion sickness. Ipso facto all the dragon slayers you know have motion sickness."

 _There are some things in life that you just have to deal with. For me, one of them is motion sickness. So I deal with it. I deal with it the same way Creationists deal with logic, fat kids deal with weight gain, and addicts deals with family interventions: first denial, then justification._

"Your logic is flawed," Lucy said immediately. "I have a pussy and I don't have motion sickness, so there!"

"So there," Cobra mocked, in a high pitched voice.

"Fine, be an ass," Lucy said, crossing her arms, clearly agitated.

Cobra leaned forward, narrowing his eye.

 _Oh right, never told you how I lost my right eye. So, I'd been hired to become the au pair for a family of seven children. I was really nervous about the job at first but, as one often does, I fell in love with the head of the household (it was something about his money—his eyes). But you see, there was this huge war raging and my love was going to be drafted, so we had to escape. Late one evening, we all fled into the mountains. At the time, we thought it was smart, but we all later died of hypothermia and starvation. Mountains are cold as shit and nothing grows on them. Go figure._

 _Now you're wondering if I ever actually went to the zoo._

 _Oh right, I was giving her a perceptive as fuck look_. "It's not going to work on me."

Lucy looked confused. "What's not going to work?"

"Your little, 'fix the damaged man' routine. I know your history. I know all about you and Laxus and you and Gajeel. I'm not gonna be the third guy you turn all soft." Cobra sat back in his chair looking rather pleased with himself. He could sense the waves of discomfort rolling around in Lucy's soul, along with a bit of frustration at being called out like this.

 _Don't get mad at me. I get pissy when I'm slightly nauseas. You do too, admit it. When you've got food poisoning, you're not nice to be around._

"I didn't turn either of them all soft," she said with a bit of righteous indignation.

Cobra snorted. "Those men used to tear up towns, both in women and in might. Now they're not even mentioned."

Lucy hesitated. She had gotten close to both of them. Lucy valued having a family so much, she never wanted anyone to feel like they didn't belong. So when both of them returned to the Guild, she had made an effort to get close to them. It happened unintentionally, both of them wanting to take the friendship and its benefits farther. She hadn't thought her rejections had hurt them. They had never been exclusive even while they were hooking up.

Cobra read the doubt and remorse starting to well up in the girl's soul and he rolled his eye, knowing he'd taken it too far. "I'm fucking with you, jeez."

Lucy looked at him with surprise first, then with anger. "Are you in my head or something?"

"More like in your heart," Cobra corrected, looking out at the ocean, somewhat upset with himself for caving to her soul's whining.

"Don't flatter yourself," she almost spat.

"No, my magic, just," he sighed, "nevermind." He looked back out at the water. He wasn't happy about returning to Caelum. Some things he just wanted to leave buried, but his Guild was forcing this and he had no choice but to go along.

 _And I know what you're thinking but, no, I can't leave. The only reason I don't have the fucking Rune Knights after me constantly is because all of us can look out for one another. And as annoying as the Blue Danube is, he's better than a fucking prison cell._

Lucy watched his mood change before her eyes. "Please tell me what's wrong." Cobra looked at her and she threw her hands up. "I'm not trying to make you soft. I'm just trying to be a good friend."

Cobra was stunned silent for a minute. _Friend? This girl thinks we're friends? No wonder she gets kidnapped all the time. She's way too fucking trusting._ Cobra stayed silent and Lucy sighed.

Standing up, she walked to the other side of the ship. Angel approached her. "There's no use trying to change him. He's been that way since the beginning."

Lucy nodded her head. "Not trying to change him. He just looked like he needed someone to talk to."

"He's not happy about returning to Caelum," Angel began to explain before a very loud "SHUT UP SORANO," sounded from across the deck. Angel held up her middle finger behind her back and continued to talk. "It's difficult for all of us, but he's been the most against it from the start."

"I MEAN IT," the voice continued to whine.

"Do you know why that is?" Lucy asked.

Angel shrugged. "Not sure. Of all of us, he's the one that has the most nightmares—." Her words were cut off as the two girls turned to see Cobra approaching them.

"Ladies," he said, holding his arms out wide. "If you'd like to talk, why not talk together?" He wrapped both arms around their shoulders, as if giving them a hug. Both girls crumpled and Cobra lowered them down onto the deck. He sighed, returning to his chair on the other side of the ship. "Finally, some peace and quiet."

Jellal, having just returned from speaking with the Captain, looked at the scene in front of him. Cobra was reclined in a lounge chair, a blissful smile on his face while on the other side of the deck, Angel and Lucy were passed out on the floor.

"ERIK!"

 _Well, that lasted about twenty seconds._

 _That's also what she said!_

END CHAPTER 6

. . .

 _Guys, I'm so impressed with how hilarious I am, aren't you? Damn._

 _I'm fighting Mus on this whole story. Lucy just seems like so much work. You just know that girl's gonna try and figure out what makes me tick. Which is ridiculous because she's the one that's supposed to be a fucking clock. Ha! That still gets me. I'm gonna start trolling her with that. Stay tuned._

 _Review, favorite and follow! All the cool kids are doing it. Don't be lame. Lame people get poisoned._

 _Later bitches!_


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm Obnoxious**

. . .

"Ladies," he said, holding his arms out wide. "If you'd like to talk, why not talk together?" He wrapped both arms around their shoulders, as if giving them a hug. Both girls crumpled and Cobra lowered them down onto the deck. He sighed, returning to his chair on the other side of the ship. "Finally, some peace and quiet."

Jellal, having just returned from speaking with the Captain, looked at the scene in front of him. Cobra was reclined in a lounge chair, a blissful smile on his face while on the other side of the deck, Angel and Lucy were passed out on the floor.

"ERIK!"

 _Well, that lasted about twenty seconds._

 _That's also what she said!_

. . .

"Care to explain why the other half of our team is passed out on the floor?" Jellal rushed over to the girls to check their breathing and Cobra rolled his eye.

"Not really, no," he said, closing his eye and leaning back again.

Jellal shot him a warning look, _but too bad my eyes were closed and I couldn't see it!_

"Erik!" Jellal said, standing to his full height and walking over to him. Cobra could sense his shadow and he cracked one eye open _, the only eye I've got._ "We're going to be porting in twenty minutes. Please tell me they will be awake by then."

"Porting as like, not a euphemism?" Jellal looked murderous. Cobra responded with a grin. He held up his fingers and made a big show of counting backwards. "If the sleep agent wears off in thirty minutes and I put them to sleep five minutes ago and we've got fifteen minutes left on the boat, will they be awake?"

"Are you asking me?" Jellal huffed.

Cobra made a frowning face and looked up at Jellal. "Math not your strong suit? That's okay, champ. We'll find you a tutor."

Jellal was about to roar the man's name again but he held himself back, opting to pinch the bridge of his nose. In a quiet voice he said, "Make sure they're awake before we have to disembark."

"Yeah, yeah," Cobra acknowledged, no longer wanting to engage in banter with an irate Jellal.

Right on cue, the girls awoke with approximately ten minutes left to the voyage. As they started to stir, Cobra made sure he was well on the other side of the ship and out of view. Luckily for him, when they were fully aware again, it was time to depart the ship and he was able to use Jellal as a mediator.

"I can't believe you would let him do something like that to us," Angel huffed at the Guildmaster.

"Sorano, you know that I don't have control over what he does. Besides, I wasn't even in the vicinity," Jellal responded coolly as the group waited in line to disembark the ship.

Cobra couldn't help but notice that Lucy was staying quiet through the entire thing and curiosity got the better of him, so he activated his magic and began listening to her soul. There was an inquisitiveness directed at him as she stood there silently and he groaned, making her turn to face him.

"What?" she asked.

"Whatever you're thinking, no," he replied.

"What do you mean?"

He reached out and tapped the center of her sternum. Lucy's eyes widened momentarily as he reached for her but she calmed as she saw what was happening. "In there, you're soul, I know it's direction and again, just no. None of this, 'figure him out and fix him' shit, please and thank you."

"You're so damaged," Lucy huffed, turning back around.

"This coming from the girl that was drowning herself in booze and cum for the past month."

Lucy made a face. "Do you have to be so gross? Can't you insult me more elegantly?"

"Excuse me, this coming from the girl that sought refreshment both at the bar and under it," he corrected.

"Better," Lucy replied flatly. "But you still need work."

Finally stepping off the ramp, Lucy looked up at the sight before her. The Kingdom of Caelum was unlike anything she had ever seen. Beautiful white stone buildings with rounded tops dotted the coastline. Bringing her gaze upwards, she could see the expanse of mountains that rose up towards the middle of the land was dotted with farms and vineyards.

Standing in awe of the sight before her, she lost her balance when people on the busy pier tried to push by her. She could see the ground careening towards her but her fall was stopped abruptly. Turning around, Cobra had his arms around her waist and she blushed. "Thank you," she managed to squeak out.

He held her there for a bit longer, _just to make sure the girl's got her balance. This has nothing to do with how close my hands are to her tits,_ before finally letting her go so she could stand upright.

"People here are jerks. Better stick close and pay attention," Cobra said flatly, adjusting his long white coat. Lucy nodded and followed Cobra closely as the team weaved through the crowd.

"I'm surprised there isn't more damage from the war," Jellal noted as they walked the streets. Lucy stole glances at her surroundings while being sure to keep close to everyone else. There were some signs of fighting. Scorch marks marred the cobblestone streets and some of the buildings. Any of the trees that dotted the plazas were much younger than the buildings that encompassed them. And a few of the buildings did have substantial damage but none of those were sitting vacant; they all were having work done to restore them.

Lucy kept her eyes trained on Jellal as they weaved through the crowd. It was interesting to watch her three teammates. All of them seemed on edge. Angel, who had no qualms with showing off her figure, had put a large shawl overtop of her dress, Jellal was keeping his face shadowed with his hood pulled up and Cobra had popped the collar high on his coat and was walking rather stiffly.

"Over here," Jellal said as they turned up a small alleyway off the main path. Lucy was glad the Guildmaster was leading because she certainly would have gotten lost as they meandered through what felt like endless corridors. After what felt like an eternity, Jellal made a series of timed knocks on a weathered wooden door. It opened and he ushered them all inside.

When her eyes adjusted to the dim lights, she saw they were in what appeared to be a small apartment. Meredy, Racer and Hoteye were sitting at the table on the side of the kitchen. The trio got up to greet the arriving members, but cast a wary glance at Lucy.

"She's joined with us and we are lucky to have her," Jellal said smoothly and the others relaxed. Lucy couldn't help but blush at how the man complimented her in front of everyone like that. Her heart swelled and Cobra groaned.

"What is _with_ you?" Lucy asked under her breath, turning around and fixing him with a hard glare.

Cobra stuck his tongue out in a rather undignified way. "You and your pining for Blueballs. It ain't gonna happen, Starbright, so give it up."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Lucy huffed, her cheeks turning red.

"Don't play dumb. It's not a good look on you."

"Get out of my head," she ordered, crossing her arms.

"Sorry, can't. It's my magic, remember?" _Okay, so I'm completely bullshitting here. Of course I can get out of her head. It's my magic, it's not on all the time. Like, you don't see Lightning Rod walking around constantly charged with electricity going all Zeus on the world, right? Same thing with me; I can turn it on and off when I want to. Took some training, but I know how to flip the switch. "But glorious, handsome, amazing Cobra, we've always read that you were a victim of these voices." Again, I'm not some fairy from a vampire show. I need you to think critically about this. Oops, I asked too much of you guys._

"Well then just keep things to yourself," Lucy pouted.

"I'd ask the same of you. I don't need to know your lusty thoughts-," as he said the words, Racer began walking towards them and Lucy leaped up to cover Cobra's mouth with her hands.

Racer shot the pair an odd look before saying, "We'll catch up later, Erik. Looks like you've got your hands full."

Lucy sighed before pulling her hands away "—about Blueballs. Damn honey, I don't know where those hands have been. Don't go spreading them all over my face like that." _I just couldn't resist it. She's going to get so fucking angry for that comment._

"Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?" _Told you._

"It means exactly what you think it means," Cobra said with a sly smile.

"I can't handle you anymore," Lucy said, starting to walk away from the poison slayer.

"That's what she said!" Cobra yelled after her.

END CHAPTER 7

. . .

 _Guys (and gals, mostly gals actually. At least I hope mostly gals. I mean when I envision who's reading this story about me, I always picture the HOTTEST chicks), someone called me obnoxious in the comments for the last chapter._

 _I KNOW, RIGHT?! Unpleasant, disagreeable, droll, these are all words that have been used to describe me, but OBNOXIOUS, this is a new one._

 _I thought about this a lot actually, and the only conclusion I could come up with is this: JELLAL FERNANDEZ LEFT AN ANONYMOUS COMMENT. That's right folks, Blueballs himself. He's the only one that doesn't appreciate my wit. Cause I know all of you do. Cause you've got brains._

 _So too bad, cause I've never given a fuck about what Blueballs thinks of me. So I'm gonna keep wall breaking cause it's damn fun and I know you love it._

 _Have no fear, Cobra is here. Chica-chicaaaa…_


	8. Chapter 8

**Cobra, Don't Forget to Add the Title Here**

. . .

Racer shot the pair an odd look before saying, "We'll catch up later, Erik. Looks like you've got your hands full."

Lucy sighed before pulling her hands away "—about Blueballs. Damn honey, I don't know where those hands have been. Don't go spreading them all over my face like that." _I just couldn't resist it. She's going to get so fucking angry for that comment._

"Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?" _Told you._

"It means exactly what you think it means," Cobra said with a sly smile.

"I can't handle you anymore," Lucy said, starting to walk away from the poison slayer.

"That's what she said," Cobra yelled after her.

. . .

"Erik, why are you yelling at our newest teammate?" Hoteye addressed him with utmost formality.

"Oh, you know, because she's fun to pick on." Lucy heard his words, _because I was almost yelling them_ , and turned around to flip him the middle finger. Cobra just laughed.

"Teasing a fellow Guildmate does not show them how much you love them," Hoteye informed him.

"Please, Dick, don't make me gag." _See what I did there?_ "No one needs to use such language."

"The language of love is all that matters in this world! It is through the language of love that I know your petty nickname for me is not meant to offend," the man said in his booming voice.

"Whatever makes you sleep at night," Cobra responded. "Speaking of sleeping, where the hell is Midnight?"

"I thought Jellal told you. He went on an undercover mission and will return when it has been completed. I am confident that love will guide him safely home!" Cobra nodded his understanding, his eye still trained on Lucy. She had crossed to the other side of the room and was introducing herself to Racer. He narrowed his eye when she began laughing at something the man said. _The dude's not that funny. So she's fake laughing. No, I'm not jealous. I just don't see why someone would laugh at something that's not funny is all._

Jellal finished speaking with Meredy and called for everyone attention. "Meredy is going to give us a quick briefing on what she, Sawyer, and Richard have discovered here." He fixed his gaze on Cobra, "so listen up."

Lucy took a seat next to Sawyer on the sofa and Cobra internally pouted. The room wasn't large; a small kitchen near the entrance door with a table set and living space all trying to compete for room. Cobra leaned himself up against the closest wall, listening _but still looking nonchalant as fuck._

"As I'm sure you all know, Caelum's civil war was coming to its end roughly twenty years ago, right at the time you were all growing up. Given how recent the war was and how there is still lingering evidence even in this town of the violence, one would think the people would be aware of this time in their history, considering they lived through it. But instead, no one acknowledges that the war happened. When we've tried to bring it up to people, they laugh it off or think we're crazy."

"How do they explain the damage to the buildings?" Angel asked.

Meredy shrugged. "We've gotten a host of different answers. Some say it was caused by accidents, others say it was rowdiness from festivals. But none of them acknowledge the war."

"The fact that not one person will acknowledge the country's history is very concerning. Is there some sort of unspoken decree that is preventing people from talking?" Angel pressed Meredy further.

The pink-haired girl shook her head. "We checked with trusted sources and even they don't believe there was a war." The room stayed silent, trying to process the information. "Another thing," Meredy continued. "There are no more mages in the country."

Jellal's eyebrows shot up at that and Lucy was surprised to see the man react. "What? There are no more magic users in the Kingdom, at all?" he asked in disbelief.

"As far as we know and from what our sources tell us, the people here believe that the Kingdom never used magic and that Caeliums are genetically predisposed not to be able to use magic at all," the girl explained.

"That's ridiculous!" Angel exclaimed. "I remember a number of mages in our village growing up." She turned to the others on her team. "What about you guys?"

Racer and Hoteye both nodded, confirming that most of their village, in fact, were magic users. She turned to look at Cobra. "Well, Erik?"

Cobra shook his head. "I don't remember my childhood or how I came to the Tower. There's flashes but it's all pretty unclear," he said somberly. Lucy looked at how his mood had shifted and instantly wanted to reach out to him.

"My brother and I came from a family of mages. This is extremely odd, indeed," Jellal pondered.

"I didn't know Jellal had a brother," Lucy said, somewhat to herself. Racer shook his head and said in a quiet voice, "It's not something he brings up all that often. His brother Siegrain died in the Tower."

"Jellal's brother was Siegrain, as in the Wizard Saint?" Lucy exclaimed in a hushed voice.

Racer nodded. "I'm surprised you weren't aware. Wasn't your Guild involved in the destruction of the structure?"

Lucy thought back. "I remember when Erza, Natsu and Gray came back from that mission. None of them wanted to talk about what had happened. I was recovering from the injuries I got during that whole Phantom Lord thing when they left," Lucy explained, absentmindedly putting her right hand to the ribs that had been broken. "I guess it was a good thing I didn't go. It seemed pretty traumatic for them and no one wanted to discuss it."

Racer nodded. "Makes sense. Ask Erik, he'll tell you what went down at some point."

Cobra narrowed his eye from across the room. _Leave it to fucking Road Runner to make me drop the harshness on the girl. Some serious shit went down in that Tower and that idiot just doesn't want to be the one to break her sadness cherry._

"If possible, I'd like to head to the Tower's location by the end of the week," Jellal said at the group. "In the meantime, we can pair off and do some further reconnaissance about the country and the people. Specifically, I'd like to know about the Kingdom's current ruling family and government." Jellal studied his team, assessing each person's strengths. "Sawyer, you'll be with Angel. Meredy, please work with Hoteye. Lucy, you'll be with me and Erik."

"I'll work alone, thanks," Cobra said from the corner of the room.

"Like hell," Jellal responded coolly. "You're lucky I'm putting you on a team at all with the way your behavior has been lately."

"Shall I bend over for my spanking now or later?" Cobra said with a hint of ire.

Jellal simply ignored him, dismissing his team and giving directions for everyone to meet back up at the same time the following afternoon for another debrief on what they uncovered.

Lucy watched as the teams paired off and exited the small apartment. Her gaze followed Jellal as he walked through a side door with his pack. Lucy hopped up and followed him through. Knocking softly as she entered so as not to surprise him, she called out his name.

The man was sorting through a few belongings on one of the twin beds in the room and he looked up at the sound. "I'll be out in just a minute."

Lucy bit her lip, feeling oddly nervous around him. "I just wanted to reiterate my offer to use my spirit. I thought maybe he could confirm some of the history of the country for us, since things seem so muddled right now."

Jellal could see that the girl was trying desperately to win his approval. He appreciated her effort but wanted to keep his distance; the last thing he needed right now was a woman clouding his judgment. Those were the exact words he had said to Erza as well. "Thank you. I'll be out in a minute," he said dismissively.

Cobra watched as Lucy emerged from one of the side bedrooms visibly deflated. Kicking himself off the wall he moved to lie down on the couch just before Lucy was about to sit there. "Turned you down flat, huh Care Bear?"

"Why do you find the need to talk constantly?" Lucy retorted, plopping down on a kitchen chair instead.

"My voice is so melodic. It's only fair that I share my gift with the world."

"The world's just too polite to refuse a gift. I on the other hand, am not. So shut it for once."

Cobra sat up, fixing Lucy with an amused smile. "Oo, Funshine Bear's got a bit of spice to her today." Lucy rolled her eyes. "Look, I'm doing you a favor here. Keep your mind off of him. He's not the nice guy you seem to think he is."

Lucy huffed. She really didn't appreciate Cobra, the mother of all assholes, calling her out like this. Sure, Jellal was nice to look at, that she wasn't going to deny, but it was a bit deeper for her. He was the first person that had been truly nice to her, inviting her to join the Guild at one of the lowest points in her life. Even her own teammates, while well intentioned, were never _nice_ to her. His actions showed a true thoughtfulness and for once in her life, she wanted to pursue someone who actually seemed like he gave a damn.

"All that noise, Princess, shut it down, please. I can hear the denial and justification rolling around in you and I'm telling your fine ass to _shut it down_ ," Cobra said with emphasis after each word.

"What happened to his brother?" Lucy blurted out, choosing to ignore what Cobra was saying.

"I don't have to tell you shit," Cobra said, lying back down on the couch.

"But Sawyer said-."

Cobra cut her off with a laugh. "What about me tells you I would listen to Kid Flash?" Lucy huffed. "Stop huffing," Cobra responded.

"Get out of my head!" she pouted.

"Not in your head," Cobra corrected. "In your tits area." Lucy threw her hands up in frustration.

"Erik, stop sexually harassing our new Guildmember, if you can at all help yourself," Jellal said calmly, entering the room. He took a seat next to Lucy at the kitchen table and the girl tried not to blush.

"My therapist says I should do things that make me happy. Are you saying I shouldn't listen to my shrink?" Cobra responded lazily.

"We all know you're lying," Lucy chimed in. "If you ever went to a therapist, they'd have you committed for sure."

Cobra turned around and smiled at the girl. "High five me, baby girl, that wasn't half bad. " Lucy, despite herself, giggled and met his hand with hers. "Your turn, Sapphire," Cobra said, holding his hand up for Jellal.

"Lucy, you said you could ask your spirit to do some research for us?" Jellal said, choosing to ignore Cobra's outstretched hand.

 _I promise, I'm going to leave it up here while he tries to talk. It's gonna make him so mad._

"Right!" Lucy exclaimed, fumbling a bit for her keys. Cobra pushed his hand a little closer to Jellal and the man continued to ignore him.

"His name is Crux, but I call him Grandpa," Lucy began to explain as she held onto his key. Cobra continued to keep his hand outstretched as Lucy moved to stand and summon her spirit.

Jellal clenched his fist slightly. "Lucy, please hold on for a minute." Turning his stare at Cobra, he spoke, "Please lower your hand."

"Not until I get my high five," Cobra responded in a fake pouting voice.

Jellal rolled his eyes, trying to control his anger. "If I give you a high five, will you behave yourself while Lucy and I try and do actual research."

"Promise, promise!" Cobra exclaimed.

Jellal audibly groaned but touched his hand to Cobra's nonetheless, before instantly slumping in his chair. Cobra snickered and Lucy jumped forward to check on the Guildmaster. "What did you do?" she asked but as soon as the words left her mouth, she knew the answer.

"He embarrassed me in front of everyone earlier. This is how I'm paying him back." Lucy's soul was frantic and Cobra chuckled. "Relax, he'll come to in about fifteen minutes. Know anything else we can do in the meantime?"

Cobra threw her a coy smile. "If we were to have sex, what would we do with the other twelve minutes?" Lucy said, knowing that Cobra often settled down when she played his game.

"You're hilarious, thinking I'd last longer than three minutes," Cobra chuckled.

Lucy pinched the bridge of her nose. "You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard."

Cobra just laughed.

END CHAPTER 8

. . .

 _No, I'm not stalling because I'm uncomfortable about my childhood. Jeesh, I give you one self-help book and now you think you've got all my issues sorted out._

 _Funshine is pretty fun to play with—on a humorous level. We all know she's fun to play with on a physical level. I mean seriously, is there a guy she hasn't fucked on this site? I hear she's even fucking Mard Geer Tartaros now…that guy wins everything._

 _Speaking of fucking, I haven't gotten even a bit of side action in this story. Someone write to Mus and tell her to get the feels going for me. My hair's gonna start turning blue soon if I go much longer. I hear that's what happened to our fearless leader—backed up balls to brain._

 _Fuck, it's after midnight. Later bitches!_


	9. Chapter 9

**Slap 'Dat Ass, Muthafucka**

. . .

"He embarrassed me in front of everyone earlier. This is how I'm paying him back." Lucy's soul was frantic and Cobra chuckled. "Relax, he'll come to in about fifteen minutes. Know anything else we can do in the meantime?"

Cobra threw her a coy smile. "If we were to have sex, what would we do with the other twelve minutes?" Lucy said, knowing that Cobra often settled down when she played his game.

"You're hilarious, thinking I'd last longer than three minutes," Cobra chuckled.

Lucy pinched the bridge of her nose. "You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard."

Cobra just laughed.

. . .

"Sit your pretty ass down," Cobra said, motioning to the seat across from him.

Lucy crossed her arms. "Why should I do anything you tell me to do?"

"Fine, don't find out about Jellal's brother. See if I care," he responded in an easy tone. Lucy pursed her lips but complied. Cobra, lying down on the couch, turned to rest his head on the armrest and looked at Lucy. "What do you want to know?"

Lucy narrowed her eyes and gave him a confused look. "Everything. I don't even know what questions to ask."

"Mm-kay," Cobra responded. "So, Jellal grew up in a small village of mages, just like Racer, Angel and Hoteye."

"And you?" Lucy asked.

"Focus, sweetheart," Cobra said before continuing. "He had an identical twin brother, his name was Siegrain. Apparently almost everyone in that village bore twins, it was very common. Well, things went pretty bad in the Tower for Siegrain. Jellal was convinced he was possessed but, I dunno, I always thought the guy just went crazy. Either way, we're all pretty lucky cause it was him that got us all out." Lucy went to speak and Cobra held up his hand. "The details of that are for later. We're on a limited timeframe, 'member?" he said, motioning to the still sleeping Jellal.

"Right."

"So Siegrain got really powerful as I'm sure you're aware. He worked himself through the ranks somehow and got on the Magic Council. Youngest person to ever do it. Fucker was still crazy though. He went back to the Tower, convinced the Magic Council that it had to be destroyed and that the only way to do it was by hitting it with an intense etherion blast. They bought it, and your Guildmembers stepped in."

"I don't get it. Why did my team get involved?" Lucy said, feeling confused by everything.

Cobra shrugged his shoulders. "Apparently your Ruby Red had some sort of ongoing relationship with Siegrain that they continued from their Tower days. She knew what he was really trying to do."

"Which was?"

"Patience, precious," Cobra laughed at her insistence. "He wanted the etherion blast to hit him. He had some fucked up theory that he could absorb the energy and grow his power by that much more. Didn't work, and your teammates couldn't get to him in time to stop him. Mofo died trying to bite off way more than he could chew."

Lucy slumped back in her chair. "Fuck," she exhaled.

Cobra nodded and faced the ceiling. "Yep. The blast did destroy most of the Tower though. At least from what I've been told." A bit of mumbling distracted the pair and they looked at Jellal. "We got another five minutes, Starbright. You sure you didn't wanna get on?" he said, quite literally pointing to his groin.

"No," Lucy said rather forcefully.

"Well that's deflating," Cobra sighed. He turned to look at her again. "Can we put Mr. Moody outside? Please? Think of it, he's gonna wake up and not know how the fuck he got there!" Cobra started laughing as he tried to finish the sentence.

"Oh, I think he'll know how he got there," Lucy said with a roll of her eyes.

"Looks like Mr. Moody is rubbing off on you. Just not in the way you want." _Take a second, and think about it._

Jellal finally woke and blinking his eyes open he could see Lucy and Erik trading remarks back and forth. He knew what had happened, he also knew that when he scolded Erik in front of the team about his behavior, he was likely going to pull some stunt like this. Thankfully it was just putting him to sleep. Erik had been known to get nasty in the past. Poor Macbeth was deprived of the sense of smell for an entire month because he had bested Erik at cards.

 _Not just because he beat me at cards, I'm not that petty. It was also because he was being a prick about it. He lost his sense of smell for being a prick._

Jellal considered the pair for a brief second before either realized he was cognizant. Despite their obvious bickering, it almost seemed like Lucy had a calming effect on the poison slayer. The fact that Jellal was only knocked out for a fifteen-minute nap was testament to that.

"I suppose you felt like you could handle the research yourself, Erik?" Jellal said, startling the pair. "And that is why you gave me the opportunity to rest?"

"Actually, I was commenting to Starbright here about how rude it was for you to take a nap while we were so hard at work!" Cobra huffed.

"Lucy, might we enlist the help of your spirit now?" Jellal asked her, ignoring Cobra's sass. _Excuse me, but I am not sassy. My god, I've never been so offended in my life._

"Sure," Lucy said, jumping up and holding Crux's key over her head. A chime sounded and the spirit appeared.

Cobra snickered. "Hey Lucy, that's a nice power you've got there. Ever thought about using it to power a mega death clock?"

"Fuck you," she responded.

"Lucy, I'm surprised at you!" her spirit exclaimed.

The girl blushed furiously. "I'm sorry, Grandpa."

"Grandpa! She's so terribly abusive to me!" Cobra whined, getting off the couch. "Please, tell her to stop it! My heart can't take it."

"Lucy, is this true?" the elderly spirit said to her, looking quite concerned.

Jellal stepped in. "I can assure you, Sir. My teammate merely jests. He is," he paused, "known for that. Lucy has been nothing but the perfect lady to him."

"Buzzkill," Cobra muttered under his breath.

"Grandpa, would you be able to do some research for us?" Lucy asked sweetly. The spirit nodded his head in agreement and Lucy smiled, turning to Jellal.

"Sir, we are currently located in the Kingdom of Caelum. Up until twenty years ago, the Kingdom was engaged in a civil war, yet no one remembers anything. Can you confirm the existence of this war?"

The spirit immediately fell asleep and Jellal looked shocked. Lucy giggled. "He does that when he's looking into things. He'll wake up when he's found what he's looking for."

"While we're waiting," Cobra said with a coy smile and Lucy gulped. "Wanna know what we did while you were sleeping?"

Jellal met the poison slayer's jovial gaze and calmly replied, "No, thank you."

"I bet you do," Cobra prodded.

"How long does he usually take?" Jellal inquired of Lucy.

"That's what she said!" Cobra shouted and Lucy groaned.

"Really? You're still doing that?"

"That's also what she said?" he replied a bit sheepishly.

"So, you are correct, young man," the spirit began to talk and all three turned their attention back on the floating cross. "This Kingdom did suffer a terrible civil war, which ended twenty years ago. However, there are no Earthland records of the war. What I know, I know from the Spirit Realm Archives."

"Could you tell us what you know?" Jellal asked, somewhat urgently.

"I had a copy made of the entries," the spirit said, handing a leather bound book to Lucy. "You'll have to read it to them, my dear. Only you, as the holder of my key, can see what's written in the pages."

Lucy nodded in understanding. "Thank you, Grandpa."

"I'm fairly exhausted now. Do read that. I expect it will take a few days. By that time, I'll have recovered enough to answer questions," the spirit said with a weary yawn.

"Goodbye, Grandpa," Lucy said with a bow.

Cobra jumped forward, nearly knocking the girl over. "Goodbye Grandpa!" he added in a childish voice before the spirit vanished.

"What the hell?" Lucy said, pushing the slayer off of her. "Personal bubble, please."

"Oh, I'd love to see you personally blow some bubbles."

"That's sexual harassment!" Lucy shouted.

"That's not but this is," Cobra said, pinching her ass.

Lucy completely forgot about her blue-haired crush standing there or trying to behave herself as the new guildmember. Instead, she went all out, swinging the leather bound book at Cobra's head. "I'm going to kill you!"

Cobra laughed as he dodged her attacks. "I didn't know you liked it so rough, but I'm game!"

Jellal watched the scene before him: Lucy holding the tome over her head, chasing Cobra around the room with it as the man shot crude one-liners at her. For the first time in several years Jellal actually laughed before thinking to himself, _"Oh, he's got it bad for this one. Which means I've finally got some much needed leverage."_

END CHAPTER 9

. . .

 _What the fuck is the Hope Diamond plotting. I don't like him laughing one bit. Gives me the eebie jeebies._

 _He's got a point though. Not sure why I haven't poisoned the girl's ass just yet for all her sass. It is a nice ass though, that I can tell you, first hand-see what I did there?_

 _Speaking of—go google the chapter title. Yeah, that song will now be in your head for the rest of your life. You're welcome!_

 _Later bitches!_


	10. Chapter 10

**Gardner Wanted: Must Look Good Bending Over**

. . .

Jellal watched the scene before him: Lucy holding the tome over her head, chasing Cobra around the room with it as the man shot crude one-liners at her. For the first time in several years Jellal actually laughed before thinking to himself, _"Oh, he's got it bad for this one. Which means I've finally got some much needed leverage."_

. . .

Cobra watched Jellal from the corner of his eye and tuned into his soul noise. There was a definite hint of amusement but also something the slayer had never heard before coming from the man before him, satisfaction, almost to the point of smugness, and that scared him.

"Foreplay was fun, Starlight, but Denim Jeans is creeping me out by watching. We'll finish what we started later," Cobra remarked.

Lucy, somewhat out of breath from swinging the heavy book around, let the book drop and put her hands on her knees to catch her breath. She motioned for Cobra to come closer and even though the Slayer knew what she was going to do, he figured he deserved this one. Cobra leaned in and Lucy smacked him upside the head, not too hard, but with enough force to get her point across. "I'll give you that one," he laughed.

Turning back to Jellal he said, "If this is the type of stuff that gets you off, I'd suggest you clear your browser history."

Jellal gave him a confused look and Cobra rolled his eye. _Being as smart as me can be really hard, because people just don't appreciate your wit._

"May I take a look at the book?" Jellal asked and Lucy nodded, handing the volume over to him.

Jellal turned it over in his hands. It definitely had the feel of leather to it but it was quite unlike any material he had seen on Earthland. When he opened it, true to what was said, the pages were all completely blank. "Do you mind?" he asked Lucy and she shook her head.

The pair sat down at the little kitchen table and Cobra plopped himself down on the couch again. Pulling out his LPhone, he started scrolling through BuzzRank while Lucy's soul went all butterflies.

"Grandpa wrote us a brief summary; here's what it says: from the years x755 to x790, the Kingdom of Caelum saw mass violence and fighting as a result of a civil war. The war started as a result of infighting amongst the Royal Family. Caelum was home to both mages and nonusers alike, however, the two groups generally did not comingle. The heir to the throne was born with magic abilities, a first in the Royal Family's history. The Queen died in childbirth. The King's brother protested that this child should inherit the throne, raising issues that the child would use his magic to the disadvantage of nonusers and proposed that his son should rule instead.

"The King's brother stirred up support amongst the population and fighting soon broke out between magic users and nonusers. The King encouraged mages not to use their powers and to remain peaceful. But this led to their downfall. Nonusers entered the villages of mages in the night and burned them to the ground. No known mages survived these attacks.

"The King was later murdered by his brother. However, the brother's family all died mysteriously the next day and the previous heir's body was never found. With the Royal Family dead and no remaining public magic users, the civil war ended. A man named Agosto formed a new government, an autocracy. There are elections, however, Agosto has never lost. The people refer to him as El Creador, or the Creator."

A silence fell over the room as Lucy finished reading, all three of them trying to take in the information.

"You know, I've always kind of wondered," Cobra said thoughtfully as Lucy and Jellal turned to face him. "The first guy to drink cow's milk, he was probably into a lot of other weird shit too, right?"

Lucy sighed. "That's right, Cobra, but not quite as weird as the shit you're into."

"Niiiice," Cobra laughed back.

"Don't encourage him," Jellal said softly to Lucy and the girl blushed.

"Don't listen to him, Lu-Bear. I love it when you encourage me. Come sit next to me and be my personal cheerleader; I promise I won't mind," Cobra drawled.

Lucy tried to tune him out, turning back to Jellal. "There are several other chapters of information here. Information about the Royal Family, the villages that were destroyed, and the current system of Government. I bet this could really help."

Lucy and Jellal began to leaf through the book, inching closer together and Cobra's eye began to twitch slightly. He didn't like it that Lucy was ignoring him and he didn't like it that her soul was all excited to be so close to Jellal.

"Which gets me thinking," he said loudly, trying to distract the pair, "about the first person who saw an egg come out of a chicken's butt and was like 'I'm going to eat that,'" but the pair was ignoring him, wrapped up in reading from the stupid book.

 _This is ridiculous! Bay Watch is all over this guy!_

Cobra lobbed a spitwad perfectly so it would land right on the open book. Preparing for the yelling, he simply said "Oops, sorry," ahead of time but instead of the table with the book disintegrating, there was just a slight fizzing sound.

Jellal put his arm across Lucy's chest to stop her from leaning in to look at the substance as it dissipated on the book. "What was that?" she asked, blushing at their posture.

"Payback for being ignored. Really, Erik, that's so childish."

"Says the man previously giving me the silent treatment," Cobra responded, happy to have broken up the dynamic duo. "Sorry about your book, Princess."

Lucy furrowed her brows. "What do you mean?"

Cobra looked from side to side. "Sorry that your book disintegrated."

"My book didn't disintegrate," Lucy corrected.

Cobra stood up, wide eyed and hurried to the table, pushing Jellal _accidentally, of course_ , in the process. He couldn't believe it, the book was still perfectly in one piece. He lobbed another wad of spit at it over Lucy's objection and the book just fizzled as it stayed completely unharmed. "What the fuck?" Cobra muttered, suddenly worrying that his powers were going awry. It had happened before—he and his internal soul _, more on that prick later_ , had gotten in a pretty bad fight and the former dragon had managed to keep his poison abilities locked in the lacrima for some time. It wasn't a pretty week, for either of them.

He let some drool fall on the table and sure enough, the liquid started eating through the table. "Erik!" Jellal exclaimed. "Quickly, before it burns a hole through the floor."

Cobra sighed, happy to know that his poison was still top notch and caught the liquid as it made its way through the table with his hand before wiping it off on his coat. "Why the hell is it not burning through your book?"

"Why the hell is it not burning through your coat?" Lucy retorted.

"It's a magically enhanced coat, duh. I did the work on it myself. Showed you mine, now show me yours."

"It's a book from the Spirit Realm, dumb dumb. It's not physical the way things are down here on Earthland," Lucy said a little exasperated.

"Too bad, cause I specialize in getting down and physical," Cobra drawled. _Don't judge me. I don't like the fact that my poison couldn't eat through her book and I'm trying to distract everyone from that fact._

Lucy narrowed her eyes. "No one wants to hear about you masturbating on the floor, Cobra."

"Oo," Cobra said with a coy smile. "Careful, Sugar, your sass is showing."

Lucy made a sad face. "Too bad you're not equipped to handle it."

"I'd be happy to give you a free trial to test out that theory." _This is getting fun! And dirty! Both things I love!_

"No thanks, I'm not in the market for such a tiny tool."

Cobra put his hand to his mouth as if in thought. "I see, is that because you prefer something battery powered to plow your field?"

Jellal sat back, completely stunned by the fact that Lucy was keeping up with the poison slayer. And more than keeping up, she was edging him out in some instances.

"If you two would excuse me," Jellal said, rising from the table. "I have some follow on research I'd like to do given what we've learned today. I trust that you can manage to get along until this evening when everyone returns?"

The pair didn't even hear him, both of them so lost in one-upping the other. Jellal shook his head, chuckled to himself and exited the apartment.

END CHAPTER 10

. . .

 _Excuse me, I'm kind of in the middle of showing Twinkle Toes here how to properly snark someone._

"Only because the 'by hand' version can't keep up."

"Interesting, so you prefer to do your gardening by hand?"

 _She's pretty good, but no one's as good as me. I can go all day, all night, twenty four seven, three sixty five._

 _You guys rock. Keep leaving reviews telling Mus how amazing I am. Maybe one day she'll give me a field in which to use my magnificent plow._

 _Later bitches!_


	11. Chapter 11

**Yay, Beer!**

. . .

"If you two would excuse me," Jellal said, rising from the table. "I have some follow on research I'd like to do given what we've learned today. I trust that you can manage to get along until this evening when everyone returns?"

The pair didn't even hear him, both of them so lost in one-upping the other. Jellal shook his head, chuckled to himself and exited the apartment.

. . .

 _Incase you forgot, last time, Lucy and I were engaged in some entertaining foreplay, I mean, wordplay. Who are we kidding—I'm totally gonna lay this girl at some point. You all want that to happen and you wanna watch—you pervs._

"Only because the 'by hand' version can't keep up."

"Interesting, so you prefer to do your gardening by hand?" Cobra smirked.

"Yes, because most men can't seem to dig in the right area," Lucy said with a snicker of her own.

"Good thing I'm not most men," Cobra leered. _I know what you're thinking—and no, it's not just a pokemon move. It's actually a word. Go educate yourself._

Lucy rolled her eyes and threw up her hands. "Good thing! If all men were like you we'd all be fucked."

"No arguments there," Cobra laughed, having thoroughly enjoyed himself. "Well, Star, this was fun, but I'm hungry. Hey Tropical Paradise," Cobra called out for Jellal but was met with silence. "Where'd he go?"

Lucy furrowed her brow. "Dunno." The pair looked around the apartment before finally realizing the man must have left during their word battle.

"Damn, I'm hungry," Cobra pouted.

"Can't we go out and get some food somewhere?" Lucy asked.

Cobra shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know what the protocol is for us being seen outside right now. As much as it sucks, we should probably just lay low. Plus, I have zero local currency."

Lucy sighed. "Well, maybe there's something here I can make for dinner."

"You cook?" Cobra asked with wide eyes.

"Not for you," she replied back instantly.

"Awe, come on, baby, don't be like that," he said in a smooth voice, sauntering up to the girl.

"Hard pass," Lucy said as she pulled herself away just before his hands wrapped around her waist. Heading for the kitchen, she started opening cabinets to see what was inside. "Well, we've got a bag of tortilla chip, one can of salsa and," she moved to open the refrigerator door, "jackpot!" she exclaimed.

"What?" Cobra said. He smirked, "loving the view, Sugar."

Lucy groaned. "Just get over here."

"Don't have to tell me twice," he said, leaping up. Pressing himself against her, she kicked him in the shin, but not before he saw a case of beer and a few bottles of wine. "That fucking hurt."

"Then don't try and shove your pathetic crotch against my magnificent ass," she responded coolly, grabbing a bottle out of the door. "Strawberry moscato? Who's drinking this?"

"Meredy, for sure." Cobra chuckled. "Or fucking Midnight. That man can't handle anything unless it's got a pound of sugar in it."

"Where is he, anyways," Lucy said, trying to twist off the top to the bottle.

"On some independent mission. Racer said he'll likely be in and out, or something. I dunno, I wasn't really listening." Cobra watched her struggle with the bottle and bit back some laughter. "Having trouble there?"

Lucy tried to turn the bottle this way and that as she attempted to wrench the top off. "It's like they want to make this a fucking challenge or something," she said through clenched teeth.

Cobra sighed. "Give it here."

"Not a chance," Lucy said, hiding the bottle behind her back. "You'll drug it somehow and I'll wake up with you trying to convince me it was consensual."

"Dark joke there, Princess. But that's not how I role. Give it here," he said, motioning for the bottle.

Lucy shook her head again, placing the bottle on the counter behind her and trying again to open it. "Got it!" she exclaimed with glee and Cobra rolled his eye.

"Congrats. You want a trophy or something?"

"Don't need one! Has wine, thanks!" Lucy put the bag of chips under her arm and walked back to the sofa holding the jar of salsa and her bottle of pilfered wine.

"You must feel right at home," Cobra chuckled, pulling a beer out of the fridge.

Lucy looked around. "Nah. We're indoors. Towards the end there, I couldn't afford a roof," she responded with a bit of sad humor.

"Yeah, it was pretty fucked up."

Lucy shrugged her shoulders. "Like you've never lived outside before."

"That's not really the point. I'm a dragon slayer. That's just what we do sometimes. But you're," he looked her up and down. "Well, you're, you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she said, opening up the bag of chips.

 _Must. Not. Offend. Her._ Cobra looked thoughtful. "You grew up rich."

"So?"

"So, finding you living under a sheet wasn't very fitting," Cobra said, reaching forward to grab a chip of his own before popping the lid off the jar of salsa.

"What would be fitting?" Lucy said, crunching another chip into her mouth.

"Ball gown, catered dinners, servants, and less cheap booze. You don't hold your drink well, love," he said honestly.

Lucy huffed. "I do too hold my drink just fine."

Cobra raised an eye. "Yeah, that a bet?"

"How about a challenge. Drinking game. First one to pass out loses."

"What's at stake?" Cobra asked with a glint in his eye.

Lucy tapped her fingers to her lips. "An 'I owe you.' The winner can ask the loser for anything, barring something illegal or that would hurt the loser or their friends."

"Awe," Cobra smiled, "you take the fun out of everything." Lucy narrowed her eyes and stuck out her tongue at him. "Careful, baby. Pretty soon you're going to owe me two favors and I might just cash them in for two nights of nasty."

"Little less conversation, little more action, baby please," Lucy said, reciting the song lyrics. Cobra smiled, pulling a coin out of his pocket. "Tails," Lucy said as he flipped it in the air. It landed on heads and she pouted.

"Tough luck, baby girl. I go first," he said, removing his coat and throwing it over a nearby chair.

 _Some of you may be wondering if I can actually get drunk. Yes, I can. I'm not going to explain the science to all of you—I know you couldn't handle it. But let's just say alcohol is processed differently than something like bleach. Which makes sense. Cause none of you fools die when you drink beer. Jeesh._

"Never have I ever sucked a dick," Cobra said with a wink.

Lucy huffed and took a drink of her wine. "You're starting off dirty. You're supposed to wait until we're a little more drunk for that."

"I like to make a strong showing at the start," Cobra laughed.

"Fine," Lucy said, putting her bottle down. "Never have I ever magically enhanced a coat."

Cobra rolled his eye. "So tame," he said, taking a swig from his beer. Lucy simply shrugged his shoulders and the game continued.

And it continued for an hour, both of them purposefully picking things they knew the other had done until they were both quite inebriated. "My turn!" Lucy shouted and Cobra brought his fingers up to her mouth to try and keep her quiet. She licked his fingers before degrading into a giggling fit.

 _Hey I uh, no what u might be thinking, but like, sorry, so much beer. Is been fun tho. Lucy—shes pretty hot, I mean fun to look at, I mean be around. Or, shit. I'm drunk as fuck._

"Never have I ever," Lucy slurred her words, "owned a snake."

"Shit," Cobra said, trying to bring his beer up to his lips without spilling and failing miserably. "No fair."

"Where's your friend?" Lucy asked. She reached out for Cobra's chest. "I wanna see 'im," she drawled.

Lucy was referring to the little snake that Cobra had been raising and had been keeping in his pocket. "Stop that," he laughed as Lucy continued to press against his skin. "Tickles," he said, falling backwards and Lucy followed him.

"Where is he?" she said, getting a little handsier, pushing her fingers under his shirt as she straddled him, looking for the little creature.

"On the stove," Cobra said, trying to point to the kitchen. "Is warm there," he tried to explain. But he was becoming increasingly distracted by Lucy's hands rubbing against his skin and the fact that she was currently on top of him.

"Oh," she said, looking a bit sad. "Tired now," and with that, she slumped down, laying on Cobra's body.

The man nearly moaned with the feel of her curves on him. "Lucy, it's my turn," he said, jostling her a bit.

"Comfy!" she pouted.

"So I win?"

"No. Just go," she said, reaching around for the bottle of wine while still staying sprawled out on the poison slayer.

Cobra tried to get his brain cells to fire as he thought about something he knew Lucy had done. "Never have I ever fucked drunk," he laughed. "You gotta drink, Loopey."

"Fine," she said, all but spilling some wine on her. Lucy sat up and he groaned as her core rubbed against his. "Wait, so you haven't?"

"Fuck!" Cobra said, not realizing he had picked something he had done in his attempt to make Lucy drink.

"You gotta drink too then!" she laughed. He rolled his eye and sat up, holding the girl against him so she wouldn't fall as he reached for his beer. As he moved forward Lucy's lips grazed the side of his cheek.

 _Fuck, did she really just?_

He froze, and she touched her lips to him again, this time a bit closer to his own. He looked into her eyes. He tried to get his brain to make a coherent thought but before he could, he moved forward, pressing his own lips against hers.

END CHAPTER 11

. . .

 _I'm so sorry guys that Mus cut it off there. She canbesuch a bitch!_

 _Drinking is so fun. Youshould def try it sometime. If ur old enoughs. No being naughty!_

 _I don't do it often but HURRAY! Drunk me with drunk Lulu. This is gonna end great, I can just tells._

 _Love you guys so much. Like, I don't think you get how much I love you. No. I mean it. I love you. So much. Don't ever forget that. I love you._

 _And beer! Yayyyy beer!_


	12. Chapter 12

**Jobs**

 **. . .**

Jellal kept the hood of his cloak pulled high on his head. His face was too recognizable—not that anyone in the entire country seemed to remember much of anything these days.

Rounding the corner, he arrived at the rendezvous place where Macbeth was waiting for him. The two men ducked into the dark alleyway and Jellal sat against the floor. Macbeth put him into a lucid dream state so he could portray what he had witnessed these past weeks.

Memories that were not his own flashed before Jellal's eyes. Applying for a position within the palace as an aide, being hired and briefly meeting El Creador himself. When the scenes stopped, Jellal found himself on a simple bench with Macbeth standing in front of him. "I see you've managed to infiltrate the government."

Macbeth looked somewhat crestfallen. "I had hoped to gain a position somewhat higher up, but it is a start."

"You'll be able to learn a lot at the bottom. People towards the talk are too afraid to gossip."

"True," Macbeth said, nodding his head.

"Anything else you need to tell me?"

Macbeth looked thoughtful. "I can't put my finger on it just yet, but something about Agosto—" he hesitated. "For the brief moment I met him something was off, but it's difficult to describe. It was like, a pressure on my magic."

Jellal tried to think through what Macbeth was saying. "I'm not sure what to tell you other than to continue to keep your ear to the ground."

"Yeah," Macbeth agreed somewhat forlornly. "I'm hoping I can at least meet him again, so I can try and better understand what I was feeling." Jellal nodded his agreement. "How's the team?"

A small smile washed over Jellal's face before he quickly schooled his features. "We've actually got a new member."

Macbeth raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Lucy Heartfilia."

Macbeth's eyebrows lifted slightly. "How did that happen?"

Jellal explained the circumstances and Macbeth tapped his finger to his lip. "The fact that Erik was involved makes me nervous."

"You and me both. But, the girl seems to be holding her own against him and he—" Jellal hesitated. Perhaps he had said too much already. "Let's just say he's intrigued."

Macbeth shrugged. "In my experience, most pretty girls intrigue Erik."

Jellal chuckled. "You may be right." Standing up, he reached his hand out and Macbeth shook it. "Stay safe. I'll see you again in one week." As soon as the words left his mouth, Jellal opened his eyes in the dark alley and calmly exited from the shadows. He knew Macbeth would wait some time before he emerged, so they could minimize the risk of being seen together.

As he walked, Jellal thought briefly about the interactions between Erik and Lucy. _"Perhaps Macbeth is right. Perhaps it is nothing more than Erik being Erik."_

. . .

 _Erik froze, and she touched her lips to him again, this time a bit closer to his own. He looked into her eyes. He tried to get his brain to make a coherent thought but before he could, he moved forward, pressing his own lips against hers._

Lucy indulged in the feel of his lips against hers for a moment. The wine she had been drinking muddled her reactions and it was hard to resist being pulled into the man. His body was warm against hers and as he wrapped his arms tightly around her, crushing her into him that much more, the doubts she had started slipping away.

She knew this was a bad idea. The guy was really obnoxious—but he was sexy in his own kind of way. Pulling away, she gasped for air. "We shouldn't."

"But it will be fun," Cobra smirked, trying to recapture her lips. She let him and she moaned as he pushed his tongue into her mouth. Her brain was short-circuiting again, caught between doubts and wants.

"But we don't like each other," Lucy said as she pulled away again.

"Not true at all," the words surprising Cobra as soon as he said them. "Gonna need a solid 'yes' here, cause I'm not trying to get onto the High Court," Cobra snickered. _Even when I'm drunk I can make kick-ass jokes._

Lucy tried to slow down her thoughts but the taste of Erik on her lips and the feel of him wrapped around her was too much. Somehow, even though he really annoyed her, right now she wanted him. She dove into him again, grinding her hips against his and he groaned.

Empty bottles were pushed aside as Cobra grabbed Lucy by the waist and turned her so that she was laying out on the couch. Quickly removing his white cloak and casting it on the chair behind him, he returned to the woman spread before him, pushing his body into hers.

Her soft curves molded to him and his hands began to roam her body as his lips moved from her lips to her ear. He planted kisses just below and onto her neck as his hand moved up to just beneath her breast.

Lucy moaned as Cobra sucked a bit of her neck into his mouth. His hand slipped below her shirt and made its way up, where his thumb began to caress the bottom of her curves. "Yes," she exclaimed under her breath and Cobra pulled at her skin harder while his hand cupped her entire mound.

The feel of her skin against him was intoxicating, causing him to lose his sense of self even more than from the beer. His fingers moved around one peak and her moans were evidence of how good it felt. Frustrated with the barrier of clothes between them, Cobra took his other hand and pushed Lucy's shirt up and off her body. He sat back for a brief moment, marveling at the sight beneath him. But Lucy was impatient. Sitting up, her breasts were completely bare and she loved it. She knew just how much men liked to look at her like this and it gave her a confidence she adored.

She turned so that Cobra was seated against the couch and she lifted his own shirt over his head. Casting it aside, she let her hands roam his chest, lightly tracing the raised scars across his body. "Sexy, right?" he said with a grin and Lucy giggled before moving forward and kissing him deeply.

His manhood was rock solid and Lucy could feel it through his trousers. Moving herself down his body, she settled between his legs and Cobra watched as she undid his belt. His head rolled back briefly, almost unable to comprehend what was about to happen.

Here was Lucy Heartfilia, gorgeous blonde with some of the best tits he had ever felt, topless and about to suck him off. _What did she do right in her past life to deserve this? Am I right?_

When her lips met his tip, he groaned and if he hadn't had better control, he would have lost it right then. But he wanted to watch her work him—and work him she did.

 _How can I describe this for you? This girl sucks better than a Dyson. All vacuums should bow at her feet._

His hand was tangled in her hair, following the motion as she bobbed up and down. It didn't take long with her skill for him to release and as he did, she went deep, drinking down all that he was giving her.

She smiled as she released him, looking into his eyes before saying, "Your turn."

Cobra smirked. "Oh, baby, I'm about to ruin all other men for you," he said as he switched their places and moved his hands up her thigh. One hand grasped her beautiful mound, flicking the tip while the other began to move beneath her mini skirt.

 _And then, the worst thing happened._ The sound of the door opening had Cobra cursing loudly, grabbing his white cloak and throwing it overtop of Lucy so she was covered.

Jellal walked in to a disturbing sight. Empty bottles of wine and beer scattered all over the floor, a half naked Cobra kneeling before a Lucy covered in his white cloak. "What the fuck, Erik?!" Jellal bellowed.

Cobra stood up quickly, thankful that Lucy had tucked him back into his boxers, and kept his hands outstretched, blocking Jellal from coming any closer to the girl. "Back the fuck off."

"Me back the fuck off? You fucking drugged her or something, didn't you?" Jellal accused.

Lucy's lust haze clearing somewhat, she pulled the cloak against her and sat up. Her face went beet red to be caught messing around like this, and in front of Jellal no less. But she wasn't going to let Cobra take the fall. "He didn't drug me. It was consensual."

Cobra looked smug. "There, you see?"

Jellal looked surprised before returning to his normal calm exterior. "In that case, I suggest you find a more private place for such activities," he said before shutting himself into the front bedroom.

Cobra rolled his eyes. "Way to fucking kill the mood." He turned back around to look at Lucy. "Now where were we?" he said, trying to lean down in front of her.

"What? Cobra, no!" she exclaimed, her mental clarity having returned.

"But I didn't get to return the favor." Cobra said, pouting a bit.

"Looks like we've each got an 'i-owe-you' on the other then," Lucy said, trying to concentrate on not getting turned on by how close Cobra was. She wasn't going to lie, she had been dying to experience his skills and of course, she was still feeling pretty turned on, if a bit mortified. "I'm just going to go freshen up," Lucy said, standing up and holding his cloak against her while starting to walk into her own bedroom.

Cobra cleared his throat and Lucy turned to meet his gaze. "Yes?"

"Uh, cloak?" Cobra said, motioning to the white garment she was clutching.

She narrowed her eyes and all but threw it at his face, exposing herself once more to him. Cobra damn near grinned. "Just had to see them again."

Lucy stood there boldly, hands on her hips. "Get a good look, cause it's the last time you'll be seeing them." Cobra held up one finger before reaching into his pocket for his Lphone, acting like he was about to take a picture.

Lucy's face turned red and she turned as quickly as possible, running into the back room, all the while yelling, "Jerk!"

END CHAPTER 12

. . .

 _Ah yes, things are back to normal between me and Pussy Galore. Seems sad, cause I think I got more out of this chapter than she did. So happy to provide you all some amazing material at my expense. You can thank me later._

 _Yeah I hear your grumbling about how long Mus has been gone and how she hasn't updated her other stories either. First off, she's really busy lately but don't worry, I pester her every day to continue writing my magnificent story. Secondly, what other stories? This is the only one where I'm the main hero sooo…yeah._

 _No guarantees as to an update schedule, but hopefully it will be sooner than the last travesty of a wait. Geesh._

 _Later bitches!_


	13. Chapter 13

**Well This Update Took for Fucking Ever**

 **. . .**

 _"If you'll remember back to the last time Mus updated my story, which was back when dinosaurs roamed the lands, you'll remember that Lucy and I were getting it on—almost. It was still pretty awesome. And I'm confident my skills could have closed the deal._

 _And then she left us in that situation for like, a year. And I don't care how badass you are. No one can keep their *ahem* spirits up for that long._

 _So here we are…_

 _Fuckin' aye._

 _. . ._

"Jerk!" Lucy yelled at Cobra, before running topless into her room and slamming the door. She let herself fall on one of the small beds and groaned into the sheets. "Damnit, damnit damnit," she lamented in a muffled tone. A few things had gone wrong this evening. Starting from least to worst, the first was that she hadn't meant to get drunk. The second was that she hadn't meant to fool around with Erik. The third being that she was mortified about what Jellal may or may not have seen but certainly understood, and fourth?

Well, the worst of it all was that she had actually enjoyed spending time with Erik. That was the part about this that really sucked. _Another part of it sucked, too. See what I did there?_

How she was ever going to face either men again was beyond her. As she considered locking herself in the bedroom and never coming out, a knock on the door sounded. "What?" she said a little more aggressively than intended.

"Come on, sparkle dust, let's talk," Erik's voice sounded through the door.

"Bad idea," Lucy responded quickly. She reached over to the dresser to pull on a shirt just incase the man should come bursting through the door.

"Awe, don't be like that," he whined through the oak.

"Go away, please."

"You know I don't respond well to manners." Lucy audibly groaned before he added. "And I can just melt this doorknob if I wanted to. Trying to be nice."

"Fine," Lucy said and Erik opened the door before closing it behind him. "And you being nice scares me. I don't trust it."

Erik shrugged. "Probably a smart move."

"So what do you want?" Lucy said as she sat up on her bed.

"Besides to continue what we so eloquently started on the other side of this wall?"

Lucy narrowed her eyes, "besides that."

Erik flashed her his signature smile and Lucy couldn't help but break her bad mood for a brief moment, "with a girl like you it will always be worth a shot. But besides that, if we really are going to working together as a team, we should probably talk about our magic and how we can use it together. That book thing before was pretty badass. I think we could do some pretty cool shit together."

Lucy sat there stunned. "Did you just…" her words trailed off.

Erik looked at her curious, "use your words."

Lucy tried to shake the thoughts loose in her head. "Did you just suggest something _mature_?" she asked in disbelief.

"If by mature you mean wise and ingenious, then yes. I've been known to do that in the past."

Lucy gave him a look. "I see the normal you is back. Well, at least I know you _can_ be serious when you want to."

"Oh baby, I can be whatever you want when I want to," Cobra said, leaning in slightly closer.

Lucy put her hands up, pushing on his chest to keep him away. Her fingers lingered just slightly as he leaned back. His skin was always so warm.

"Just how warm is it?" Cobra smirked.

"Out!" Lucy shouted, standing up abruptly and pointing to the door.

Cobra threw up his hands. "I'll behave, promise," he said with a wink.

Lucy sighed and sat back down. "If you truly want to work on our abilities together," Cobra raised an eyebrow and she narrowed her eyes before he dropped it, "then I'm game. Suggestions on how to practice when the use of our magic is extremely limited?"

Cobra tapped a lip to his finger. "For now, we can at least share information and work out smaller uses together here. In terms of actually practicing what we come up with, we may get a chance when we head out to the Tower. Otherwise, we'll have to wing a couple things and hope for the best."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "Really? If exposed to extreme danger you want us to risk our lives based on hopes and dreams?"

"Hopes and dreams are what build pathways to the heavens, baby!" Cobra responded enthusiastically.

"Yeah, cause we'll be dead!" Lucy retorted.

Cobra shrugged. "I'm not worried."

"Well thank god for that," Lucy said throwing up her hands.

Cobra winked at her. "You're welcome, my child."

To which Lucy literally face-palmed.

. . .

"Is there anything else I can get for you, Creador?" the servant said with a slight bow.

Agosto smiled brilliantly to the man. "Nothing for now. Please, take the rest of the day off, on me. You've done more than enough for today."

The man smiled and bowed lower. "Thank you, Sir!" he said before closing the door and leaving the President alone in his personal chambers. The moment the doors clicked shut and Agosto ensured the seals were locked in place, he let the smile fade from his lips.

 _"Keeping this up is exhausting. Honestly,"_ he bemoaned to himself. His body sagged as he walked to the locked chest of drawers in the corner of his chambers. Unlocking the bottom drawer, he lifted the crystal out of its holder. Hugging it close to his chest, he fed it some additional power. It glowed stronger and with the last of his energy, he placed it carefully back in the drawer and locked it away.

Dragging himself to his bed, he shed his clothes, and climbed into the covers. Grabbing the glass of water by his bedside, he swallowed one pill from a small box and fell into a dreamless sleep, uninterrupted by nightmares that had plagued him all his life.

END CHAPTER 13

. . .

 ** _"What's this? A big of intrigue at the end of the chapter? What secrets does this man keep? Has Mus even fully thought them through yet? I guess we will all have to find out in the next chapter, when hopefully things between me and the Blonde Barbie heat up once again._**

 ** _Stay tuned! And Happy Fucking New Year! I bet 2019 will be way better than 2018. Cause let's admit, 2018 suuuucked._**

 ** _Later bitches! Cobra out._**


	14. Chapter 14

**I need help naming this chapter.**

. . .

 _Last time, on Cobra's the bomb: I made Lucy laugh while also suggesting we train together. Is this an opportunity to get closer to the blonde? Don't be so fucking nosey._

 _Oh and that weirdo Agosto guy did something weird with a crystal. That sounded dirty. Good._

. . .

"What's up with you?" Lucy taunted as the group walked through the tall pine trees. It had been a week since the pair had accidentally been caught messing around. The teams had continued to do reconnaissance around the city but Jellal made the call to head towards the Tower given how little useful information they were able to gather.

Cobra's shoulders were hunched up, his collar pulled high to cover as much of him as he could. He felt extremely uncomfortable being back at this place. It was the first time since he had managed to escape. He had always wanted to keep it that way. "If you were fucking tortured for your entire childhood at a place and then someone brought you back to that place, tell me how you would act," he said rather harshly.

He didn't mean to take his anxiety out on the girl, it was just that this place put him so on edge. The two had been able to tolerate each other's company over the past week as they worked on honing their magic skills together and he felt a little bad for barking at her. _But not all that bad._

Cobra thought things might have been tense after their little tryst, but Lucy was incredibly chill about the whole thing. She had even laughed at his advances that, well if he was being honest, he'd hoped one of them might have worked.

"I'd probably cunt punch anyone who came within ten feet of me," Lucy responded to his original question.

Jellal overheard her answer and coughed slightly. Lucy blushed and Cobra opened himself up to hear a bit of what the girl's soul was feeling. _Embarrassment, hints of lust, confusion._

"Would you get over it already," Cobra remarked. Lucy shoved him harshly and he stumbled slightly to the side. _All while keeping my hands in my pockets so I still looked cool AF._ "Really?"

"You really!" Lucy huffed at him. "I don't appreciate you rummaging around in my chest."

Cobra lifted his hand to run it down his face. "Would you think things over before you say them? Do you know what that sounds like?"

Lucy bit her lower lip and smiled deviously. "Its just, when you do that to my chest, it makes me feel all tingly."

Cobra deadpanned. "I know what you're trying to do and my magic doesn't work that way."

"How would you know? Do you use your magic on yourself? Do you _magically masturbate?"_ she asked with a glint in her eye.

"If I did that, my magic would explode and I'd simultaneously get myself pregnant and die. Too risky," Cobra responded in a flat voice and Lucy laughed.

"Those two—it's just weird with them now," Angel commented to Racer.

The speed mage made a face. "I have to agree. I don't get it. But then again, both of them seem to be their own brand of crazy. Maybe they understand one another—ow!" Racer yelped in pain as he turned around to see Cobra's arm outstretched from throwing a twig at the back of his head.

"Secrets secrets don't make friends," he taunted and Lucy stifled a giggle. Racer merely turned back around, ignoring the odd couple.

"We're almost here," Jellal said, stopping the group at the edge of a break from the trees.

Everyone looked out to see what was the Tower that had stripped their childhood from them, broken and in a heap of rubble. While the etherion blast had taken out most of the structure, the base of it was still mostly intact. Unfortunately, it was completely covered in rubble from how the structure collapsed.

"Well isn't this just great," Cobra remarked over the silence. "We came, we saw, we relived horrible memories. Time to go home now."

The poison slayer turned to start walking the way they came. "Unfortunately not, Erik," Jellal responded and Cobra sighed. "We're going to have to move some of this rubble; enough so we can make our way inside. It's important that we explore what's left of the structure, before the elements destroy it any further."

"A, it will take for-fucking ever to move all this shit, and B, elements destroying it sounds like a great plan. I have no objections."

"We'll have to set up camp further back in the forest," Jellal announced, ignoring Cobra's comments and Cobra growled in frustration.

"Look—we trudged all the way out here like you said. The place is impossible to get into. Besides, what are you even hoping to find?"

Lucy had never seen Cobra this way. He was far more agitated than the rest of the group and as far as she knew, they had all gone through similar fates in this structure.

Jellal continued to ignore him. "We can set up camp over there," he said, pointing to a place in the tree line. Cobra lost it, walking over to the man, he swung and his fist made contact with Jellal's jaw.

Jellal took the blow full on. Spitting a bit of blood from his mouth, he stood back to his full height. "Are you done now?"

Cobra didn't know what to say. He mumbled something under his breath before instinctively returning to Lucy's side. "Asshole," Cobra sneered. Lucy wasn't sure what to do, but she knew at some point, Cobra was going to need to address the demons he was so obviously burying.

. . .

"So there's never been any mage communities in Caelum?" Macbeth asked another aide as they folded laundry.

"Not that I can remember," the younger man responded, making a face as if he was trying to think hard about the question. Suddenly, he blinked several times before saying, "No, no, definitely not. I would remember something like that."

Macbeth nodded his head, noting the interesting response. It was almost as if the man was on the brink of remembering something before suddenly and vehemently having his answer. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened, and Macbeth noticed it happened more in the castle than out in the town.

"Rid, Midny," that was the name Macbeth was going by in the castle, "Bern called in sick this morning. Someone needs to receive El Creador and assist him in the morning. Can you two handle that?" the head maid seemed frantic.

"Of course!" Rid responded enthusiastically. He turned to Macbeth. "I've been waiting for this opportunity for so long! You're so lucky to have it so quickly from when you started!"

Macbeth looked uncertain. He certainly wanted the opportunity to get closer to Agosto but he wasn't expecting it to happen so quickly. He wasn't sure he was practiced enough in his cover. "What is it we have to do? I'm a little nervous."

"Just follow my lead. We only need to bring him his breakfast. We'll wait outside his chambers while he eats and when he's finished, we'll collect his laundry and change his linens," Rid explained.

"Okay," Macbeth nodded. Seemed simple enough. And perhaps he would be able to learn something through observing the man up close. The two gathered their items, Rid pushing the food cart while Macbeth held the basked containing the new linens.

Agosto awoke and like any other morning, the first thing he did was make his way to the crystal in the corner of his room. Pulling it from its cocoon, he embraced it and shivered as he reabsorbed what he deposited the night before. Replacing it carefully, he closed and sealed the drawer before readying himself for the day.

A clear knock sounded at the door. "Rid and Midny, aides, here with breakfast and new linens, El Creador," the aide announced in a somewhat nervous sounding voice.

Walking to the door, Agosto put a beaming smile on his face before opening it with a grand gesture. "Rid! Midny!" he said in a booming voice. "Thank you for attending to me this morning!" Rid entered the room, rolling the food cart in front of him. Agosto had seen this aide before, he had been at the castle for quite some time. His colleague stayed at the entrance, seeming a little out of sorts.

Agosto turned his attention to Midny while Rid set up the food—and froze. He thought he sensed something from the man that he had not sensed in a very long time—a magic signature. But as he tried to focus in on it, it was gone. He narrowed his eyes slightly. "How long have you been living in Caelum?" Agosto asked Midny.

The man cleared his throat slightly. "I was born here," he finally responded.

"Is that so?" Agosto mused slightly. He tried to search out the magic signature again but Rid announced that breakfast was ready, forcing him to pull his attention away. "I've got a great idea!" Agosto said with a beaming smile, turning to face Rid. "Why don't you both join me for breakfast? An old man like myself can get lonely eating alone all the time."

Rid looked like he was going to burst from excitement. "We'd be honored!" he nearly screamed and Macbeth winced. The moment he had come into closer contact with Agosto focusing on him, he felt pressure on the shields he had erected around his magic.

There was a reason Macbeth was chosen to go undercover—his illusion magic. Not only did it give him the ability to disguise himself physically (he currently was sporting blond hair and blue eyes), he also had a way to mask his magical signature that was nearly perfect. To most mages, his shields were imperceptible. In testing it, he had yet to meet a mage who could sense his magic power unless they knew him well enough to know his magical signature. So it was odd to feel any sort of pressure on his shields, and it had to come from Agosto, because the only other person there was Rid, who he had been around for nearly a month.

Macbeth nodded and as Agosto turned and busied himself with taking his seat, Macbeth gently reinforced his shields to their highest level. It was a strain on him and he would be exhausted afterwards, but he couldn't take the risk.

All through breakfast, Agosto tried to probe the young man sitting in front of him, both physically and magically. He was sure he had sensed a magic signature. It almost seemed familiar. But there was nothing there, no matter how hard he searched. He smiled at Rid and tried to answer his questions and seem engaged throughout the meeting but he couldn't shake the feeling of unease.

As the meal concluded, Agosto thanked the two aides for their assistance and made a mental note to check into Midny's background before leaving to attend to his daily responsibilities. As he walked down the hallway towards the first of his meetings, he couldn't help but feel a bit anxious about leaving Midny alone in his chambers

END CHAPTER 14

. . .

 _Boring, snoring on that last part. Who the heck cares about this August guy and what season he lives in, am I right? Come on Mus, the readers clearly want to read more about me and I dunno maybe my growing relationship with Stardust._

 _Barf. Did I just say relationship? What the hell? What have you done to me Mus! This is no beuno._

 _Later bitches!_


	15. Chapter 15

**Loads of Bullshit**

 **. . .**

 _Did you notice that I also took over the beginning notes? Sweet right?! So last time, on It's All About Me, fuck what did happen?_

 _Hold on…_

 _Lemme check…_

 _I don't remember._

. . .

"This is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever seen," Cobra remarked from his perch on a tree branch, overlooking the Tower remnants. "Explain to me why a bunch of mages are doing manual labor?"

"Correction, a bunch of mages minus one who isn't helping," Angel barked at him.

"The fact that you thought I would help is absolutely hilarious," Cobra retorted, lounging against the tree's trunk.

Jellal stood up, wiping sweat from his brow. "It's not as bad as it looks. Another day or two of this and we should be able to reach the entrance and get inside."

"Still don't understand just why you aren't using your magic to move things," Cobra asked, swinging his dangling leg on purpose.

"Don't be a dumbass, Cobra," Lucy chimed in. "If you were listening earlier, you'd know that it's because we can't risk leaving our magic signature out here. And besides, we're trying to investigate magic signatures that were left here. We'd risk wiping them out if we just bulldozed the place."

Cobra snapped his fingers. "Then it sounds like, a better plan would be to leave everything where it is and just go back home."

Jellal turned towards the poison slayer. "Erik, if it weren't for your magic, trust me, you wouldn't be here. But we will need you. So please, if you're not going to help, at least try not to harm."

Lucy looked at the group leader with a bit of awe. He stayed so cool and collected under pressure, even when he was being taunted to the extreme. In many ways she wished she could be as together as Jellal—she fully realized just how much of a mess she was currently.

And while she hated to admit it, teaming up with the Guild, and the time she'd been spending with Cobra, had really helped her depression. Life around the slayer was fast paced—she didn't really have time to wallow in self despair or pity.

She also hadn't had time to get plastered and get laid, which was kind of grating on her nerves. She knew Cobra would be willing, but she didn't want to make things more complicated with him than they already were. But then again—she was really pent up—and their last encounter hadn't helped.

And neither was watching Jellal lift rocks all day with his shirt off. Good lord the man was built and you'd never know it from the baggy clothing he wore constantly. But the moment he took his shirt off in the island heat, sweat dripped down his lithe frame, getting caught up in the ridges of his abs and Lucy had to catch herself before she drooled.

But every time Lucy tried to stop and sneak a peak at the—heavenly body mage—pun intended, a certain other mage would call out to her. "Hey Stardust, what's your opinion on billion jewel walls? For or against?"

"Uh, what?" Lucy responded.

"Like if I said that I wanted to build a wall and it would cost a billion jewel, would you vote yes or no?"

"I'd never vote to give you a billion jewel," Lucy responded instantly.

"Say you could guarantee the wall got built," Cobra added.

"Sounds dumb."

"Yeah, you're prolly right," Cobra remarked. And conversations like these started and ended just as abruptly throughout the day until finally, dusk came, dinner was eaten in relative silence and everyone turned in for bed, completely exhausted.

Lucy tossed and turned in her sleeping bag. To think that her accommodations were better than just a few weeks' earlier when she had been sleeping in the woods. However, it was easy to pass out when you were completely plastered. It was much harder to sleep inside a tent on hard dirt when you were sober and extremely pent up.

"Fuuuck," she muttered under her breath. Jellal was adamant about everyone being up at dawn to get as much rubble cleared as possible. If she didn't get any sleep, she would definitely look like the weakest member of yet another team—something she really didn't want to relive.

Thinking about her surroundings, recognizing that while her tent was close enough to others, it wasn't so close that it would be weird, she slipped her fingers under her panties and tried to relax into a rhythm. She was cold and sore and tired and frustrated, but this was something that always put her to sleep and she'd be damned if she didn't at least try.

She racked her mind for some good material to think about. Looking back on the day, she was sure thoughts of Jellal shirtless, glistening in sweat and lifting heavy rocks would work for her. But as she continued to try and climb that familiar peak, she kept finding her mind wandering, back to her encounter with Cobra and the way he looked without his shirt on—

-And she hated to admit it, but he had looked good, like real good. She knew the scars across his chest ran deeper than the surface but it gave him this ferocity of look and spirit that she couldn't help but find herself attracted to.

And then his body on hers, how was she not supposed to think about that? He was so warm to the touch—his skin had felt amazing. Without realizing it, she was increasing her speed, finding herself closer and closer to release. She tried to replay the events in her mind, his lips pressing against hers, falling onto the couch with his body pressing into hers, his fingers trailing against her skin before she kneeled in front of him to—

-she stifled a moan of his name as she came, breathing her release before drifting into a satisfied sleep.

 _Meanwhile, on the other side of camp—_ Cobra hadn't meant to tap into the girl's soul but the entire day she had been ogling Jellal and it was offputting. He wanted to know how she really felt about the guy. It's not like he cared one way or the other. He just wanted to know. _Stop fucking raising your eyebrow all knowy knowy at me._

Dreams were the closest thing to honest thought that a human could experience. And Cobra rather enjoyed listening in on dream emotions. _Sometimes thing get loopy in there!_ His eyes widened slightly as he realized the girl was still awake. Her soul was darting around for it too much to be asleep.

He grimaced as her soul concentrated on the blue leader and stayed there for some time. Feelings of lust began to grow and then—her soul shifted, concentrating on himself instead. His eyes widened as feelings of want, need and arousal began to peak. His directed his enhanced hearing towards the girl's tent and froze as he heard her moan in what her soul indicated was clear release, all while concentrating on him.

END CHAPTER 15

 _FUCK YEAH! That's what I'm talking about! I knew Sparkle Fairy would eventually see just how great I am. I mean, I don't really care about her one way or another but it's just nice to be appreciated, you know?_

 _Geez, Jellal is so annoying. If he tries to make me do work again tomorrow, I swear I will complain. Anyways_

 _Later bitches!_


	16. Chapter 16

**No Way, No How, Not Here, Not Now**

. . .

 _As the meal concluded, Agosto thanked the two aides for their assistance and made a mental note to check into Midny's background before leaving to attend to his daily responsibilities. As he walked down the hallway towards the first of his meetings, he couldn't help but feel a bit anxious about leaving Midny alone in his chambers_

. . .

Macbeth waited until he was sure Agosto had left the area. Rid turned to him, a huge smile across his face but before he could say anything, Macbeth funneled a small amount of magic to keep the man in a temporary dream state. With Rid none the wiser, Macbeth hurried over to the corner of the room towards an oak dresser that stood off to the side.

He had sensed it as soon as he entered, there was something off about this dresser and he knew it likely had to be hiding something. He carefully opened each drawer, finding nothing more than clothing and undergarments in the top shelves. But as he approached the bottom shelf, he recognized instantly that there was a magical seal on it.

 _"But no one in Caelum can do magic. So that means either it's some left over seal on the dresser that no one can break or—"_ he breathed as he realized what he had likely discovered, "Agosto is a mage," he said aloud.

"Clever boy," the white haired man said from the corner of the room.

 _"What?! How long has he been standing there?"_ Macbeth panicked. He tried to extend his dream magic to Agosto but the man cast it off. Realizing he had been found, Macbeth quickly broke the seal on the magical lock so he could at least see its contents.

"No!" Agosto shouted loudly as Macbeth opened the drawer. He only had a few seconds to look at the large crystal but he gasped as he realized what it was.

"An etherion shard?" he breathed with wide eyes but he didn't have another chance to look at it before he felt his magic leave him and his eyes close.

. . .

"Feelin' good this morning?" Cobra asked the blonde mage with a twinkle in his eye.

Lucy rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she sat down on the log around the campfire. "You're being weird. Stop it," she said as she scooped a spoonful of oatmeal into a small bowl.

"Have any nice dreams or fantasies last night?"

Lucy shoved a mouthful of the hot cereal into her mouth. "Yeah, I dreamed I was eating my breakfast in peace."

Cobra huffed. He thought for sure he would be able to freak Lucy out and make her think he had heard her dirty session the night before but she didn't seem to realize or care.

"What's got your panties in a wad?" Lucy asked, shoving another bite into her mouth.

"You do!" he admitted, crossing his arms.

"What did I do?" Lucy asked in an unconcerned voice as she took a drink of water.

"You're not letting me embarrass you the way I want."

"Geez, sorry," Lucy rolled her eyes. "What do you possibly have to embarrass me about anyways?"

"You made me a pornstar and you never paid me."

Lucy gave him an exasperated look. "What?"

"Don't play dumb. I heard your little session last night where you made me an unwilling participant."

Lucy froze slightly. _"Finally, the reaction I was hoping for! This is going to be so much fun!"_ Cobra cackled internally.

"You listened to me while I was sleeping last night?" Lucy asked, measuring every word.

 _"Oh shit! Wrong reaction, wrong reaction!"_ "Well, I—"

"You're disgusting," Lucy said as she got up from the log and walked back into her tent, leaving Cobra sitting by himself, stunned.

 _"What the fuck!"_ Lucy seethed internally as she entered her own space. _"That motherfucker listened to me masturbate! Is he crazy or something? Of fuck, and he probably knew I was thinking about him. That's why he was being so slimy this morning."_ "Mother fucker!" Lucy shouted out loud.

"What's got her panties in a wad?" Angel said as she sat down to have her own bowl of oatmeal across from Cobra.

"I uhh—" he stumbled on his words.

"No sarcastic comment about her being on her period or something? Erik, what's gotten into you?" Angel had known Cobra since they were children. And there were only two situations where the poison slayer wasn't cracking jokes. One, when he was sleeping and two, when he was genuinely upset or scared over something. Considering that the man was wide-eyed and awake in front of her, she knew something was up.

"Look, I know we bicker and all, but you can always talk to me if something's really the matter," Angel said to her friend.

Cobra turned back to look at her. "I think I fucked up."

"What did you do?"

"It has to do with Lucy."

"And?"

Cobra rubbed between his eyes. He needed to be careful about how he said this next part. "Let's just say, I invaded her privacy. Like big time."

Angel whistled. "It must be pretty bad if even you realize you stepped over a line."

"You said you would help?" Cobra said in an irritated tone.

"Well look, just talk to her about it. Apologize or something."

Cobra rolled his eyes. "I have a feeling she's not going to give me the chance."

"Don't you two have some favor thing worked out? Doesn't she owe you a favor? Use that."

Cobra shook his head seriously. "That's for something else."

Angel threw up her hands. "Well, then show her how sorry you are. Do something to make up for it."

Cobra sighed. "I hate doing things."

Angel smirked. "It's why you're so bad with women."

"Shut up!" he said with a small smile.

. . .

For once in her life, Lucy was glad to have some manual labor to distract her from—

"Hey."

She turned to see the one man she wanted to be far away from right now.

"What do you want?" she asked through clenched teeth as she continued to move stones.

"What I really want it to talk to you, but since I figured you wouldn't agree to that, I just want to help."

Lucy stopped. "You want to help?" She asked in a confused tone.

"Yeah," Cobra responded simply as he began to lift stones. Lucy watched in amazement as the slayer actually performed physical labor. Throughout the morning, the two worked side by side in silence before the sun's position in the sky indicated it was time to break for lunch.

Cobra wiped sweat from his brow as the temperature continued to rise throughout the day before beginning to walk back towards their encampment. A touch against his arm stopped him. Looking down, he saw that Lucy had reached her hand out to him.

He lifted his eyebrow. "What was it you wanted to talk about?" she asked.

Cobra turned back around to look at her properly. "I wanted to apologize for my behavior." Lucy's eyes widened as he spoke the words. "What I did was wrong and an invasion of your privacy. You have every right to be mad at me but I hope you won't be."

It was a bit of a clumsy apology but Lucy knew it was probably the man's first one ever. _Damn straight._ "Thank you, Erik," she said, using his real name. Reaching her arms around him, she drew him down into a tight hug. As the two separated, Lucy pulled him over to a large boulder big enough for the two to sit. "Did you want to share anything with me?"

Cobra rubbed the back of his neck. He hated it but he couldn't resist the urge to open up to the girl. "This place makes me nervous."

"I don't blame you. I don't have any connection to the place but it gives me the creeps too." She paused. "What did Jellal say about needing your magic for something here?"

Cobra shrugged. "Beats me. He always keeps me in the dark about things."

"Well that's not fair," Lucy said with a bit of haughtiness to her voice.

Cobra just shrugged. "It's always been this way."

"Come on!" Lucy said, dragging Cobra from their spot on the rocks.

"What? Where are we going?"

"To fix something," she replied simply. Lucy dragged Cobra behind her until they arrived at the encampment, the entire team sitting around the firepit. Lucy walked straight up to Jellal. "I don't think it's fair that you don't tell Erik about your plans for his magic. He's a member of this team and this place makes him uncomfortable. He deserves to know," Lucy demanded.

Cobra stood next to her, completely stunned. No one had ever stood up for him the way Lucy just had. "Yeah. What she said," he added.

Jellal calmly motioned for the pair to sit and they did so. "Erik has never asked or shown interest in any of the team's plans. That is why he is always in the dark."

Lucy scoffed. "If his magic is going to be used some way, he should be told, whether or not he asks. That's just common courtesy."

Angel's eyes widened as she watched the spitfire blonde rail into Jellal. She'd never seen anything like it and the fact that it was all for Cobra's sake, after what he admitted to this morning—the whole situation was weird.

"I have no problems telling Erik about our plans and I will do so now. Those who imprisoned us in this Tower during our childhoods were doing research in the lower levels. The rumor was that the Tower was build upon the graves of dragons and our captors had built some sort of device that would allow them to capture their souls."

Cobra began to shake violently and Lucy turned to him, putting her hand on his knee to try and calm him. "What's wrong?"

"You fucking moron," Cobra sneered, but Jellal continued.

"For some reason, our captors were convinced that Erik's magic was the key to obtaining their goal. Rumor was they had completed the device and it was ready for use, but we all managed to escape before they could test it."

Lucy's eyes widened at Jellal as realization dawned on her. "And if you find this device, you mean to use it on Erik?" She really hoped she was hearing things wrong.

"The device could very well unlock the reasons for why we were all captured and held prisoner. It was their end goal in all of this. We need answers and I believe it will give them to us."

"Those fuckers tortured me in their quote unquote research. They split open my chest and implanted me with a dragon lacrima when I was a child!" Cobra sneered, his voice gaining volume. "And now you want to subject me to the same pain as an adult, just so you can have your fucking answers? Fuck you!" Cobra shouted at the man before running off into the woods.

"Erik!" Lucy shouted. She stood, turning to Jellal, "It isn't worth it," she said, before running off after Cobra.

END CHAPTER 16

. . .

 _Shit just got real serious and I don't really wanna talk about it. No I'm not being a bitch but seriously guys, that's what blue-balls had planned the entire time? This shit is fucked up!_

 _It's cool that Lucy stood up for me though. That was pretty damn cool…_

 _Later bitches!_


	17. Chapter 17

**The Chapter Where Cobra Finally Gets Some Much Deserved, Long Overdue, His Balls Were Turning the Color of Jellal's Hair, Action**

 **. . .**

 _Last time, Macbeth got captured cause he's an idiot and I ran away from the camp because Jellal was being an idiot. So basically, everyone (except me) is an idiot._

. . .

"If you're here then the others must be here somewhere too," he heard a voice say as Macbeth managed to regain his consciousness. He tried to stay silent as he awoke, to give himself some time to understand his surroundings.

Looking down, he realized he was sitting in what looked to be a jail cell, his hands bound with magic cancelling cuffs in front of him. He noticed that his fingernail polish was black, meaning that his illusion magic had been stripped away and he was no longer in disguise.

He tried to recall what he happened back in Agosto's chambers. He remembered noticing the magic lock on the dresser before Agosto appeared. The etherion crystal shard—that had to be what it was—was in the dresser and Macbeth wished he could have at least touched it before he was knocked out cold by some spell.

The question of whether Agosto was a mage was now answered in Macbeth's mind. And while he didn't know for sure, he had an idea about the type of magic he wielded. And the fact that he had an etherion shard helped support his hypothesis.

From what he had heard from those that had been there during the blast, the crystal of the Tower had absorbed some of the power from the etherion blast. Ultimately, it was too much for the structure to take on, hence its ultimate destruction. Erza had said that most of the crystal disintegrated when it hit the ground, and what didn't disappear slowly leached magic energy into the ground until the crystal turned back to stone. But to see an etherion crystal, still in tact, and still buzzing with magical energy from the blast—Macbeth wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Glad to see you're awake," Agosto said, leaning down in front of the bars that separated the two men. "Now, tell me where the rest of your team is."

Macbeth shook his head, trying to make sense of the man's words. He felt so weak, he was having trouble even mustering the energy to speak. "I don't know," he managed to say.

Agosto stood to his full height. "Not a problem. We'll get you to talk." Macbeth tried to move, but something came from his right side and knocked him unconscious.

 _. . ._

 _Geez, sucks to be him right now. On to the part of the chapter about me!_

. . .

"Erik!" Lucy yelled as she ran through the forest. Touching a finger to Pyxis' spirit, she was guided to his location, or what should have been his location. Looking around she couldn't seem to find him, until she finally heard his voice above her.

"Up here, Sugarbaby."

Lucy squinted, looking up at the tree. "Think you could come down from there?"

"No," he responded, lying against the trunk.

Lucy huffed. "Fine, then I guess I'm coming up." Cobra watched with interest and mild delight as the blonde attempted to climb the large tree. "What the fuck, how did you get up there?" she huffed, sliding back down to the forest floor. Cobra outstretched his fingers and long claws lengthened from his nails. "Oh," Lucy said in a defeated tone.

Cobra sighed. "Hold on." Within a second, Lucy found herself being hoisted over the poison slayer's back and hauled up into the high tree with him.

She giggled slightly as he set her down on the thick branch and she settled herself so she was comfortable, straddling the branch between each leg. "Taking it cowgirl, I see," Cobra joked without his normal enthusiasm.

"When I get around you I just want to have something between my legs," Lucy quipped, trying to egg him on.

He smiled slightly. "I know what you're trying to do," he sighed before adding, "and thanks."

"Fuck Jellal!" Lucy said. "That guy's an asshole and I'm sorry I didn't realize it before."

Cobra shrugged. "I get where he's coming from. He wants answers. He lost his childhood and his brother to the Tower and he needs closure, as do the rest of them."

"That doesn't mean it comes at your expense. Go see a therapist or something, don't fucking sacrifice a member of your Guild and family."

Cobra scoffed. "I wouldn't really consider us a family."

Lucy cocked her head to the side in thought. "I wouldn't necessarily say that. But your Guild family is dysfunctional."

Cobra chuckled. "Damn straight."

"I'm not going to let him do what he wants to you, Erik," Lucy said seriously, moving closer.

Cobra looked into her large brown eyes and saw her clear concern. "Thanks. I'll handle it though."

Lucy nodded. "I know. And I've got your back." Cobra smiled but Lucy frowned. "You're still shaking."

Cobra shrugged. "It was pretty bad in the Tower, Lucy," he admitted. "I'm not going to lie that what Jellal said brought back a whole host of shit."

Lucy moved forward again. "Do you mind?" she asked as she wrapped her arms around the slayer and leaned into his chest. He shook his head, letting the strength of the tree's trunk support both of them as he allowed himself to breathe deeply as he held the blonde in his arms.

The pair stayed up in the tree for hours, alternating between simple conversations and dozing in the sun. As the last of the sun's rays fell below the horizon, the two agreed that they should probably make their way down from the tree. Cobra assisted Lucy as she climbed down and she smiled as she felt firm ground beneath her feet. "So what now?" she asked, looking around.

"I don't really want to go back to the encampment," Cobra admitted and Lucy nodded.

She touched a finger to Virgo's key and the maid appeared about fifty yards off and began setting up a camp for the two of them. "All done, Princess," the spirit announced in about sixty seconds. Lucy and Cobra walked over to see her handiwork and were amazed. There was a large tent set up, a fire going, and some sort of stew heating up over top of it.

"Wait a minute. Why were you living in rubble in the forest when you had a spirit who could set all this up for you?" Cobra asked, narrowing his eyes.

It was Virgo who answered. "The Princess would not allow me to help. She was very depressed at the time. But she is much better now."

"Thank you, Virgo!" Lucy said with wide eyes, waiving her spirit goodbye. The two headed over to the tent and Lucy shook her head in exasperation. Of course Virgo only laid out one large sleeping bag inside.

"Wanna eat?" Cobra asked, looking at the food ravenously. With everything that had happened today, he hadn't eaten all day and his stomach was reminding him.

"Mmhm," Lucy agreed, turning away from the tent situation to join Cobra at the fire. The two sat on the blanket Virgo had provided, letting the warmth of the stew permeate.

"I have to tell you something," Cobra announced rather suddenly.

Lucy turned to look at him. "Okay." She wondered what else this day had in store for her.

"I lied to you."

"Uh, okay," Lucy said a little bit unsure.

The words were tumbling out and Cobra couldn't stop himself. _Yes please! Someone fucking stop me! Throw a rock at my head or something, I'm being such an idiot right now._

"When I told you that you had promised to join the Guild. I was lying," he said quickly.

"Why would you-?" Lucy was confused.

"I just—you looked so pathetic and lonely in the forest all by yourself. And you were hurting yourself trying to cover up the pain. I just had to do something."

"Erik," Lucy breathed.

"But Jellal had said you refused to join, so I—I took advantage of how your magic works. I knew if I told you that you had promised, you wouldn't be able to break your word."

Lucy's head was swimming. This was all so much to take in on top of everything else that had happened within the last twenty four hours. "Erik, why are you telling me this now?"

Cobra turned to look at her, his eyes looking worried. "Because, I've never had someone stand up for me the way you did back there. I've never had someone chase after me the way you did today. I had to come clean. I owed it to you."

Lucy rubbed her face with her hands harshly, trying to take all this in. "I don't really know what to say."

Cobra nodded. "I get that. You don't have to say anything, I guess."

The two sat in uncomfortable silence before Lucy finally spoke. "That's why you were so adamant about making me promise to give you a favor."

Cobra rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Yeah. I thought you'd be like _pissed_ when you found out. Wanted to make sure I had a way out of it."

"Leave it to you to always figure a way out of trouble."

Cobra couldn't help but smile. "That's kind of my style."

Lucy threw up her hands. "Well, fuck Erik, I don't even know how to feel."

Cobra drew a breath and was about to make a comment about how he wouldn't mind if she just "fucked Erik" but stopped himself. "Yeah," he replied awkwardly and Lucy gave him a strange look.

"I'm not mad," Lucy finally said.

"Fuck yeah!" Cobra exclaimed in sincere happiness.

"I'm just disappointed," she added and he brought his arms down.

"Oh darn."

Lucy laughed. "I'm just teasing. I get what you did and why you did it. And it looks like I really did need someone to bust my butt to get me out of the funk I was in. So," she turned to the poison slayer and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks."

Cobra turned to look at the blonde cuddled up next to him. He wanted so badly to kiss her—something deep inside was pulling him to her. But he didn't have to figure out his next move, because Lucy was the one to move forward and push her lips against his.

It was tentative, as if she was unsure and Cobra responded instantly, clearing any doubt. She moved closer to him, as he wrapped his arms around her before she finally straddled his lap, never breaking away. Their lips moved against one another's and Lucy moaned. The need to kiss the man had risen up within her suddenly. Even though so many things had gone wrong today, at the end of it all, so many of her mixed up feelings about Jellal and Cobra had resolved with the afternoon's confrontation. And then for Cobra to be so open and honest with her about his childhood and his wrongs, she'd seen a different side to him completely.

Cobra couldn't believe that Lucy had made the move she did. He understood them fooling around when they were drunk. After all, they were both young, attractive people. But for her to make this move when they were sober and after he had spilled so much garbage from his past today, it really surprised him.

But he didn't have any more time for thought with Lucy pushing her core against his and running her hands along his body. He responded, moving his lips against hers and delighted in the noises she made as his hands traveled up her sides. She lifted her arms up over her head, allowing him to free her breasts from her top. He tried to pace himself, moving first to kiss her neck, then travel down her collar bone before finally sucking one of her peaks into his mouth.

Lucy loved the feeling of Erik against her, his warm skin against her fevered flesh made her feel that much more turned on. As he pulled one tip into his mouth, circling it with his tongue, she arched her back in pleasure, sighing his name. As he switched to torment its pair, his hand traveled down her flat stomach before began to apply pressure to her core.

Lucy's mouth opened as she breathed through the pleasure he was creating in her before suddenly, she felt herself being lifted into the air. Erik had stood, holding her against him before walking them over to their tent. He laid her down on the soft bedding that was spread out for them and removed the remnants of their clothing. Finally skin to skin, he covered her body with his own, loving the feel of her soft curves against his hard ridges.

Lucy's hands came up to scratch against his back as he continued to tease her, moving against her without entering her. Erik traveled down the length of her body, pressing kisses to each new area he encountered before he was finally nipping at the inside of her thigh, driving her wild with anticipation.

His tongue moved slowly at first, first working outside before moving in. Within seconds, Lucy was moaning uncontrollably at his movements. Thinking how much he loved the sound of this woman, he flattened his tongue so he could taste all of her, moving his muscle from just below her clit to her entrance and back.

Up and down, back and forth, he licked her into a state of euphoria. Lucy began chanting his name as his tongue finally entered her, swirling in her depths before he moved upwards to draw circles around her bundle of nerves. Erik moved away and Lucy whimpered but her complaints quickly turned back into noises of ecstasy as Erik pushed first one digit, then another into her depths. His fingers thrust in and out of her body with ease and Lucy could feel her arousal dripping down her thighs.

As Erik let the other hand roam her body, her core tightened, almost to the point of cramping. Sensing her imminent release, Erik used his thumb to circle her clit slowly and it was enough to push Lucy over the edge. She screamed his name as her walls pulsed around his fingers, but Erik was quick enough to get himself seated into her hot depths so he could feel her clench around him.

As he entered her, it pushed her through to another high and she moaned as Erik began a slow pace, matching the rhythm of her pulses. His hot skin against her flushed body felt amazing and she threw her head back as he finally picked up speed. Watching her breasts bounced, Erik fucked the blonde underneath him in a way and with care that he had never experienced before, taking pride in her release and caring about her pleasure.

The view of her breathing through her pleasure as he continuously entered and exited her was too much and he quickly found himself nearing his release. "Lucy," he said as he pulled out and she propped herself on her elbows as held his manhood to her mouth. Grabbing him, she sucked the tip inside, letting her tongue move against it as she worked him and within seconds, she was drinking down everything he had to give her.

Erik nearly collapsed next to the girl, pulling her tightly against him. Lucy reached to the side of her to grab a swig of water from the supplies Virgo had laid out before finally returning to Erik's warm embrace.

"Let's do that all the time," Erik finally said.

Lucy giggled. "No objections from me."

The pair pulled the covers over them and fell into a blissfully deep sleep. So deep, that in the morning, they missed the sound of boot steps encircling their encampment.

END CHAPTER 17

. . .

 ** _I hope you all enjoyed that. I mean, I'm a fabulous lover. I'm sure you were wishing it was you underneath me, am I right?_**

 ** _Only took Mus seventeen whole chapters to give me some actual, respectable action. I mean when I signed on for this role, I was under the impression it was going to be pussy all the time._**

 ** _Those bastards circling our camp better just be there for my autograph. Cause I ain't gonna lie—I'm in no mood to deal with people right now. #iwillpoisonyou_**

 ** _Later bitches!_**


	18. Chapter 18

**Family Feud**

. . .

 _The pair pulled the covers over them and fell into a blissfully deep sleep. So deep, that in the morning, they missed the sound of boot steps encircling their encampment._

. . .

Cobra awoke to harsh voices yelling in his ear. "Come out quietly and you won't be harmed."

He rolled over. "You're kinky in the morning, aren't you Lucy?" he replied groggily.

Lucy, having been jolted awake by the same order, shook the poison slayer next to her. "Erik! That wasn't me!"

"Bringing a friend to play already?" Cobra chuckled.

"Erik!" Lucy said frantically.

"This is your last warning. Surrender now!"

"Geez," Cobra groaned, sitting up in the tent next to Lucy who was frantically putting on clothes. "Can't a guy get some after sex sleep in peace?"

"Erik," Lucy said, finally fully dressed. "I don't think they're messing around."

Cobra raised his eyebrow. "What gave it away?" He stood slowly and said quietly, "Follow my lead."

Cobra exited the tent with his hands up, Lucy following in a similar fashion. "You caught us! We were living in sin in this tent! We know the consequence is death followed by eternal damnation. We accept our fate!" Cobra taunted the guards, using the distraction to buy himself time to count just what he and Lucy were facing.

 _"Two, four, six armed men. None of them mages. I'm insulted—really,"_ Cobra thought to himself as he looked at his would be opponents.

As discreetly as possible, he began breathing out a poisonous gas that was so strong, it could put an elephant to sleep. _I know this, because I tested it on one. No elephants were harmed in the making of this joke._ He watched as the confused guards began to drop one by one until everyone was out and he pulled the substance back to him before it could make its way to Lucy.

Lucy grinned and turned towards Cobra. "That was incredible! How'd you do it?"

But before Cobra had a chance to respond, clapping reverberated through the trees and an unfamiliar voice spoke. "I agree. Truly magnificent! How indeed did you manage it, Erik?"

Cobra narrowed his eyes as a bearded man appeared through the trees. He recognized who it was in a second. "Agosto," he sneered.

"Bingo!" the man responded before snapping his fingers.

Both Cobra and Lucy felt their magical energy leave their bodies instantly as they both crashed to the floor, consciousness quickly leaving their bodies.

. . .

"Do you think the two of them are okay?" Angel asked nervously to Jellal, who was standing back and looking at the cleared entrance to the Tower.

"He'll come back. He always does," the blue haired man said quietly.

"I dunno about this time," Racer added. "I get what you're trying to do for everyone, but if it means hurting Erik in the process, I don't think I'm okay with that."

"Your objection is noted," Jellal responded, his gaze still fixed on the cleared entrance. The rest of the team just didn't understand what was at stake. Jellal was on the cusp of knowing why every mage in Caelum had been murdered. Surely that was greater than the comfort of one team member.

"Do you think this machine is going to hurt him?" Angel asked her question of Jellal.

Jellal shrugged his shoulders. "I don't really know."

Richard spoke next. "Then I agree with Sawyer. This plan does not foster love among us."

Jellal tisked. "I'm not looking for love. I'm looking for answers," and with those words, he walked into the Tower's entrance.

The rest of the team looked amongst themselves before following apprehensively. It took several minutes for their eyes to adjust to the light, even with each of them lighting lacrimas in their hands. Angel shivered at the drop in temperature, her outfit not meant for utility. Richard removed his cloak and put it around her shoulders and she smiled at him.

"This place gives me the creeps," Sawyer admitted as they walked the dark hallways behind their silent leader.

They found several of their routes blocked with fallen stone and had to turn around. Other routes were more obstacle courses than anything else, each of them having to climb over large stones. "Does anyone know where we are?" Angel asked, having lost all sense of direction in the maze.

"We're here," Jellal said as the cavern opened up into the main room. Upon seeing it, Angel collapsed on the floor, memories flooding back that she had repressed for so long.

 _"Please! Stop!" Erik shouted at the three men standing above the table he was strapped to._

 _"Someone gag him, please," the leader of the three said. The one closest to him quickly shoved a rag in Erik's mouth, muffling the screams of the young boy._

 _Sorano was about to yell out but Jellal put a hand around her mouth. "Shh. They'll strap you to that thing if you're not careful."_

 _"But we have to help him!" Sorano whispered back._

 _"There's nothing we can do for him," Jellal responded._

 _Sorano watched helplessly as her friend was connected to some sort of machine. He was crying by this time and she could feel her own tears falling down her face at her inability to do anything. But that's when the situation changed. Her eyes widened as she watched Siegrain run into the room with a crazed look in his eye._

 _He hit the leader with a club to the knee and the man went down. "You bastard child!" he shouted. "Get him!" he said as his two minions attempted to move in on Siegrain._

 _Sorano watched in awe as her friend snapped her fingers and the two men collapsed on the floor. He looked over at her and his brother. "Come on! Now's our chance!"_

 _Sorano rushed forward, untying Erik from the table, supporting her friend as his feet touched the floor. "Lead them out of this place, brother," Siegrain said with intensity. "I'll create a distraction. Head for the entrance."_

 _"The man entrance is heavily guarded!" Jellal exclaimed._

 _Siegrain nodded. "Gather everyone and head to the front. I'll join you on the outside!"_

The memories faded and Angel felt tears streaming down her face. "Please, Jellal," she said as she watched him brush his hands against the table that was still in place. "Don't do this!"

Jellal could hear the pleas of his teammate but he ignored them. Finally, the answers he sought were almost in reach. "I just need Erik," he said aloud.

A strange voice responded, the noise echoing throughout the hallway. "I may be able to help you with that."

Jellal turned to see Erik unconscious on the floor along with Lucy. He looked to their captor. Despite his appearance, he knew who this man was. "Siegrain? Is that you?"

"It's been a long time, brother."

END CHAPTER 18

. . .

 ** _Oh what the fuck? What the heck is that supposed to mean? Siegrain? Brother?_**

 ** _I'm just playin'. I know what's going on. Sucks that you guys don't though. I guess you'll just have to beg Mus to write more of this story and all. I heard she's into that._**

 ** _Also, for the record, I object to being knocked out so easily. I'm pretty sure the guy had like a magical beast the size of a mountain fight me before I nobly collapsed from exhaustion after fighting for the honor of the—who am I kidding, I can't even say this with a straight face._**

 ** _Later bitches! Cobra out._**


	19. Chapter 19

**Conversations**

. . .

 _Jellal could hear the pleas of his teammate but he ignored them. Finally, the answers he sought were almost in reach. "I just need Erik," he said aloud._

 _A strange voice responded, the noise echoing throughout the hallway. "I may be able to help you with that."_

 _Jellal turned to see Erik unconscious on the floor along with Lucy. He looked to their captor. Despite his appearance, he knew who this man was. "Siegrain? Is that you?"_

 _"It's been a long time, brother."_

. . .

"How is this possible?" Jellal responded, still stuck where he was sitting, unable to move from the spot for fear that this reality might reveal itself to be just a dream.

"It was a long and painful road, brother. This place," Siegrain said, looking around him, "changed me." He inhaled a deep breath. "It gave me the power I knew it would." His face twisted a bit before he added, "and even I struggle to handle it."

"Your appearance. The tower? The etherion blast?" Jellal could barely get his words to form. He had been sure that his brother had died in the etherion blast. Trying to take in that amount of magic power would surely kill anyone. The mages in Fairy Tail had reported him dead. How could they have been wrong?

Siegrain nodded. "That's right. As I absorbed the immense power, it also took many years away from my life. But, it's given me abilities I never even dreamed possible. And I've found a way to shorten the aging effects it has had on me using these crystals." Siegrain kicked a shard near his foot. He leaned down to pick up a tiny sliver and held it between his thumb and forefinger. The crystal shimmered as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before suddenly turning dull. "Magical transfer and storage. Both in abilities and quantity. Nifty trick."

Jellal's eyes were wide. "And, the country? Taking control? How did this happen?"

"It's not hard to seize control of a country exhausted by war, divided in beliefs and without leadership for several years. Give the people a glimmer of hope for a better future and they'll line the streets waiting to vote to give you power."

"So all the people's memories. Is that your doing?" Sawyer asked from his corner in the room.

Siegrain turned to consider him. "Why yes, it is."

"But why?" Angel blurted out.

"Well my dear," he said turning to face the girl. "If people knew what truly happened there would likely be continued unrest. I won't risk my position and the prosperity of the country for people to remember a time that was truly horrific."

"You speak like you love this country and it's people, but I don't trust your intentions," Richard said in a less than normal booming voice.

Siegrain shrugged, throwing the dull piece of crystal to the side. "I don't really care what you think about me. That's the great thing about being in charge!" The man threw his head back and laughed as the entire team shifted uncomfortably where they stood. "Oh, don't look so glum. Come on! I've brought the two prizes that you've been seeking! I'd like to see what happens next, so let's get this party going!"

He kicked Cobra slightly at his words and the poison mage grunted involuntarily, still weak and unable to move but finally regaining some of his faculties. Siegrain leaned down to where Lucy was laying, the woman still unconscious from the lack of magical energy in her system. "And she looks like too much fun to resist." His hand caressed her body. Cobra saw the man touch Lucy through his heavily lidded gaze. "Fuck off," he managed to curse under his breath.

"Oh look, brother! This one's awake! We can finally begin!"

Jellal stood in response to Siegrain's comment and moved towards Cobra. He reached down for him and Cobra managed to spit at his outstretched hand. Jellal recoiled, wiping his hand on his trousers as the liquid burned where it landed. "Don't touch me," Cobra huffed. But that was the last thing he managed to say before he felt his world go dark again.

When he finally awoke a second time, he found himself strapped to a table. He looked at his surroundings to see the rest of the team and Lucy unconscious in the corner of the room. "Bastards!" He struggled against the restraints but with his limited strength, it was no use.

Something cold was placed on his chest and he tried to turn his head to see what it was only to find even his head held in place by a leather strap. He knew he'd been strapped into the table that haunted his dreams and a real part of him wanted to cry at this situation. _Never trust an asshole with blue hair. That's the best piece of advice I could give you from all of this._

"Ready," one voice said before Cobra felt the most intense pain he'd ever experienced in his life. He wanted to faint, he wanted to scream, he wanted to do anything but all he could do was lay there and feel what felt like a thousand lightning bolts hitting his body continuously.

Finally the pain subsided.

 _"Why have you disturbed us?"_ a voice he didn't recognize pressed into his head. It was so loud he was sure his ears were probably bleeding by now.

 _"Shhhhhhh,"_ was all Cobra managed to respond back in his hazy state.

 _"Did you just shush me?"_ the voice responded, a little quieter than before.

 _"Yeah. So loud,"_ Cobra replied.

 _"The fuck?"_ another voice said.

 _"Would you please refrain from that? You're as obnoxious in death as you are in life,"_ the first voice responded.

 _"Who are you guys?"_ Cobra asked, finally regaining some of his wits.

 _"Is this mofo kidding? He fucks up our happily ever after and now he's asking who we are?"_ the second voice said in clear agitation.

 _"He's strapped to a table, Aeolous. What makes you think he did this by choice?"_ a third voice, distinctly female chimed in.

 _"Would you two stop bickering, please?"_ the first voice pleaded.

 _"Did he at least wake up Rancidus? Man that guy was fun as shit!"_

 _"Is that you, A-hole?"_ Rancidus responded. _"In a lacrima inside his fucking chest. But damn, it's been a while since I've heard your fucked up voice. I thought I missed it; too bad you said something."_

 _"Rancidus!"_ Aeolous cheered.

 _"Wait, how do you guys know Rancidus? He's the dragon soul that was forcibly planted into me decades ago,"_ Cobra asked.

 _"Where do you think his body is buried, dumbass?"_ Aeolous responded.

 _"You can't fix stupid,"_ Rancidus sighed.

 _"You guys are dragon souls?"_ Cobra finally asked.

 _"That is correct,"_ the first voice responded. _"My name is Cronus. You've already met Aeolous. And Gaia is also among us."_

 _"Are there more of you buried here?"_

 _"Most likely, yes. A great number of us perished in this area during our battles with Acnologia."_

"What's happening?" Jellal said to his brother as he watched Cobra on the table. "It seems like he's communicating with someone." The two brothers watched as Cobra moved on the table, his facial expressions twisting and resolving. "Is he communicating with the souls of the dragons? Were they right all along? We need to find out what they're saying!"

"Hey," Siegrain said, slapping Cobra's face to try and get his attention. "What's going on? Who are you talking to?"

 _"Man, these guys,"_ Rancidus said in an exasperated voice.

 _"Who are they? They're the ones that made him disturb us?"_ Aeolous inquired.

 _"Bingo. These asshats strapped him to this table and hooked him up to this machine that forcibly activates magic,"_ Rancidus explained.

 _"I'm right here,_ " Cobra chimed in. _"No need to talk about me like I'm not present."_

 _"Ignore him,"_ Rancidus said with an apologetic voice. _"He's a moron. Anyways, as I was saying, the issue is that these guys don't realize that Cobra's magic isn't the right type for what they're trying to do."_

 _"What is it they're trying to do?"_ Gaia asked.

 _"Well, those two are just trying to figure out the meaning behind the tower. The original fuckers were trying to create dragon lacrima. They found me and Electrum and became obsessed with creating more. They had some book that said it could be done with soul magic. Too bad they were looking for Seiths not mages like Cobra."_

 _"Are you kidding me? You knew all this and didn't tell me?"_ Cobra exclaimed.

 _"Be quiet. I'm catching up with old friends,"_ Rancidus said dismissively.

 _"So who were these people?"_ Gaia asked.

 _"Originally, they were palace scientists. When Cobra was born and started to show signs of not only being a mage but being a soul mage, they became interested in him. Thought he might be useful in their goal. The king forbid it of course and ordered them executed. One guy fled with Electrum so who knows where that fucker is now. The rest of them fled here."_

 _"Why would the king be interested in Cobra?"_ Cronus asked.

 _"Oh, cause he was the prince,"_ Rancidus said without much care.

 _"Holy fuck!"_ Cobra exclaimed.

 _"Holy fuck!"_ Aeolous echoed. _"This dude's the missing prince of this kingdom? Man, that's some messed up shit right there."_

 _"No kidding,"_ Rancidus agreed. _"Anyways, long story short, the scientists wanted Cobra for their experiments. So they let slip to the king's brother, who had always been envious of the throne, that Cobra was a mage and that he shouldn't be allowed to rule as a result. Fucker took the bait and started a civil war. In all the unrest, the scientists, who continued to grow in numbers, began raiding mage villages in the hopes of finding other mage children that might work for their experiments and also as slave labor to help fortify their position. At the end of it, the brother killed the king and his wife, and the scientists killed the brother and his family. So kidnapping the prince wasn't too hard when all those guys were out of the way."_

The group sat in stunned silence. Cobra wasn't quite sure if he could believe Rancidus; his inner soul had such a knack for twisting the truth. But at the same time, he also didn't think he would lie to his own kind.

 _"How is it you know all of this?"_ Gaia asked.

 _"Sweetheart, I told you. I was already balled up in this lacrima from the start. I lived through the whole fucking thing. And heard them talk about their plans and shit. They never really let me and Electrum out of their sight. We were too valuable to them."_

 _"Seriously, why did you never tell me any of this?"_ Cobra insisted.

 _"Um, because you were already an insufferable asshole. Telling you that you were also the prince of a nation is going to make being around you unbearable."_

 _"Unbelievable,"_ Cobra sighed.

END CHAPTER 19

. . .

 _Seriously, my inner dragon soul is such a bitch sometimes…all the time. I'm sure you're all on the edge of your seats, waiting to know what happens. How will I escape? How will the twins get there's? All good things, all good things._

 _Later bitches!_


	20. Chapter 20

**I'm in charge of titles again. 'Cause I'm awesome that way.**

. . .

 _"Seriously, why did you never tell me any of this?"_ Cobra insisted.

 _"Um, because you were already an insufferable asshole. Telling you that you were also the prince of a nation is going to make being around you unbearable."_

 _"Unbelievable,"_ Cobra sighed.

. . .

In the corner of the room, Lucy finally stirred. Having been the first to be drained of her magical energy, she was the first to regain some of her strength. She stayed still, not wanting to risk being attacked again, only allowing herself to crack an eye open.

She could see Erik, strapped to the table with the two brothers hovering over him. He was mostly still but she could see that there were slow movements here and there so she knew at the very least he was still alive.

Carefully, she reached down and breathed a sigh of relief when she realized they hadn't confiscated her keys. They must have been sure that depleting her magic would knock her out for a long time. And they'd have been right if she hadn't opened her second origin.

She put her fingers on Leo's key and sent him a message through their bond. _"Danger, help needed"_ was the gist of it. Within seconds, an orange glow appeared. The brothers turned around startled and Leo hit first Siegrain then Jellal with a regulus punch.

Both brothers flew across the room, not expecting the impact.

"I'm going to be needing explanations and quickly," Leo said. "Otherwise there's a lot more where that came from." The lion stood in front of Lucy in a protective manner. "Can you walk, Princess?" he asked her quickly.

"Probably a little," Lucy said. She looked over at Erik, who was still strapped into the table, seemingly unconscious. "We need to help him," she said, nodding in his direction.

Leo followed her gaze. "He's on our side?" he asked.

"Yes," Lucy said urgently. "And he needs help."

"Understood," Leo said back, trusting his keyholder implicitly.

By this time, both brothers were standing back up, ready to fight back at the intruder.

 _"Something is going on around you, Cobra,"_ Cronus informed the poison slayer.

 _"I'm not really conscious right now,"_ Cobra admitted. _"So I'm not really sure how that information helps me."_

Rancidus chimed in. _"You're as useless as the white crayon. That girl you fucked brought another guy along. He's currently beating up on the Menendez brothers."_

 _"What the fuck? Another guy?"_

 _"Can't say I blame her. Micropenises don't appeal to most women."_

 _"Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people,"_ Cobra sighed.

 _"Nice one!"_ Rancidus responded.

 _"You are both very odd,"_ Gaia commented.

 _"I need to wake up. Is there some way that I can do that? Can any of you help me?"_ Cobra asked, genuinely concerned.

 _"Don't tell him. I want to see if he can figure it out. Scratch that, he's too dumb to figure it out but I want to laugh at him,_ " Rancidus admitted.

 _"Oooo, I agree with Rancy. Don't tell him, don't tell him,"_ Aeolous chimed in.

 _"You don't need anything from us to wake up, Erik,"_ Cronus said, ignoring the children. _"You need only will it to be so."_

 _"Cronus, I'm willing to grant him the use of my power,"_ Gaia said calmly.

 _"Huh?"_ Cobra said. _"Use of your power?"_

 _"Told you he wouldn't figure it out," Rancidus smirked._

 _"It's ironic really. By making contact with us, you've awoken our resting souls. We can grant you use of our power, just the same way dragons granted such use of dragon slaying magic to trusted mages when we were living. All this lacrima implantation nonsense is really unnecessary,"_ Cronus explained.

 _"You think it's unnecessary,"_ Rancidus sighed. _"Try being around this asshole twenty four seven. Not fun, as you might imagine."_

 _"Lacrima implementation was unnecessary?"_ Cobra asked, trying to wrap his head around what he was being told.

 _"In terms of granting a mage the ability to use dragon slaying magic, yes,"_ Gaia responded. _"Now, if someone wanted dragon slaying magic without the consent of that dragon, then I suppose the creation and implantation of lacrimas was required."_

 _"You would entrust your magic to me?"_ Cobra asked, somewhat incredulously in return.

 _"That is a decision each of us has the right to make. Gaia has stated she will. As for me, yes. I believe that you can be trusted, despite your obvious flaws."_

 _"Of which there are many,"_ Rancidus snickered.

 _"Fuck, I guess you can use my magic too,"_ Aeolous added. _"Not likely that anyone else is going to come in here and be able to contact us. Now that all the seiths are all but wiped out. So might as well."_

 _"Fuck, I don't know what to say,"_ Cobra stumbled over his words.

 _"Say thank you, you moron,"_ Rancidus berated. _"We dragons can only give our magic to one person. Cronus, Aeolous and Gaia died without finding someone worthy. This is a big fucking deal."_

Cobra stayed silent, trying to take in everything he was being told. _"Thank you, all of you,"_ he finally said.

 _"You may have your demons, but then again, we all do. The fact that you overcame many of them shows me that you have strong will and strength of character. Use our magic wisely,"_ Cronus instructed him.

 _"I will,"_ Cobra vowed.

 _"Okay. This may hurt. Thankfully your magical circuits are already hardwired to handle dragon slaying magic, but this is a rather large influx of power you are going to experience. It's too bad you're not Mated. If you were, it could have the potential to open your third origin."_

 _"Missed opportunity, too,"_ Rancidus snickered.

 _"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"_ Cobra shot back.

 _"Blondie over there? She's definitely compatible. You could have bitten her last night when you two fucked, but you didn't."_

 _"Sorry I don't just go around biting people at random,"_ Cobra said with exasperation.

 _"You're missing out, then!"_ Aeolous chimed in. _"Having a Conquest is the best!"_

 _"Right on!"_ Rancidus responded.

 _"It's no matter,"_ Cronus stated. _"Your third origin may open once Mated. And I would strongly suggest that you do Mate. Once we gift you our powers, your use of them will be limited until your third origin is opened. Besides, it will help alleviate the strain on your system."_

 _"Okay. But I'm going to_ talk _to her first,"_ Cobra said with emphasis. _"Not just go around biting people like some weird vampire against their will."_

 _"Pussy,"_ Rancidus said.

 _"If you're ready, we will begin the transfer, one by one,"_ Cronus said.

Cobra took a deep breath. _"I'm ready."_

Searing pain lanced through his body suddenly. Unfortunately, it was a familiar pain, much like the pain that he had experienced when Rancidus' lacrima was placed into his body. He couldn't say how long it lasted. It felt like an eternity and at the same time it felt like it was over in seconds. When it finally was over, there was no pain at all. Instead he felt—alive.

Magical energy raced through his body in forms he didn't yet recognize. His mind was buzzing with new possibilities. "I want to wake up," he said aloud.

Jellal and Siegrain both turned to look at the man behind them. "Shit, he's coming to!" Jellal yelled.

The distraction gave Leo an opening, as he pummeled the two back against the wall before running forward to where Cobra was lying on the table. "You're fucking lucky she likes you, man," he said as he removed the straps and wires from the poison slayer.

Cobra sat up, his body brimming with energy. "Yeah. I know." He had a grin on his face that made Leo falter.

"You okay man?"

"Never been better. I'll take it from here," he said, hopping down off the table.

Leo hesitated. He could feel an intense magical energy coming off the man that he hadn't felt before. But logically, the man shouldn't be able to move after what the brothers had been doing to him. He moved back into position, protective of Lucy, deciding to hang back and see what Cobra would do. If the man needed support, he could certainly jump in and assist.

Cobra put his feet on the floor, stretching his hands high above his head. He breathed in deeply, feeling the gifted energy move throughout his body. Cobra didn't fully understand what each dragon's magic was—there wasn't any time for that. So he would have to figure it out as he went along.

The brothers looked at him with uncertainty. "He shouldn't be able to move!" Siegrain ground out in frustration, picking himself up off the floor. But before he had the opportunity to even take a shot at his adversary, Cobra had moved a hand in front of him. The result was immediate. Dirt from the floor moved, encasing Siegrain in a prison, rendering him unable to move.

"You bastard," Jellal yelled and Cobra looked at the blue haired brother.

"I'm the bastard?" he asked, feeling agitated. "You strapped me to a table, the same fucking table where I was tortured as a child and I'm the bastard?" Wind started whipping around the two, blowing their clothing all around their bodies.

Jellal's eyes widened, not understanding what was happening. Secretly, he wished they were outside. His heavenly body magic was much stronger under the open sky, but he would have to do for now. Raising his hands above his head, he opened his mouth. But before he had the chance to make his attack, Cobra was on him.

"I don't think so," the poison slayer said. Suddenly Jellal found himself unable to breathe, the air around him disappearing. A rush of wind whipped past him, slashing him across the arm. He screamed as the skin there opened up. Within seconds he found himself on the floor, clutching wounds across his body. Another prison like the one around his brother grew up around him. The last thing he saw was Erik's face as his eyes closed from exhaustion.

END CHAPTER 20

. . .

 ** _Fuck yeah! I'm so awesome! Did you guys check out my mad skills? Legendary._**

 ** _Almost made the torture worth it—almost. That part still sucked._**

 ** _Anyways, feel free to drop comments on how awesome I am. I already know it, but damn if I don't love hearing it._**

 ** _Later bitches!_**


	21. Chapter 21

**"Oh Yeah, Macbeth Got Kidnapped"**

. . .

 ** _I'll recap for you. Last chapter I was awesome and defeated both Blues Brothers with barely any effort. That's basically it. Oh, and I'm the missing prince. We learned that like two chapters ago. But I just wanted to remind you._**

. . .

"Macbeth! Macbeth!" The name called out to him. It was kind, different than all the other voices that he'd heard over the last few days during the hell he'd endured. The voice also sounded strangely familiar.

Cracking an eye open, a flash of pink showed in his vision. "Oh, thank goodness!" the voice exclaimed. "Come on, we need to get you out of here." A rush of energy flooded Macbeth's body as he looked down to see pink hearts imprint along his wrist.

With his mind working again, he realized it was Meredy who had come to save him. He looked at her to find her taking in deep breaths. He winced; the pain that had been inflicted on him had not been kind. He had not disclosed the location or plans of his Guildmates but that didn't matter. It turned out that Agosto hadn't needed his consent to invade his mind.

"I'm so sorry," he said, tears falling from his eyes, smudging his black eyeliner. "Is everyone okay?" He knew Agosto would come for his Guildmates and he felt an immense sense of guilt for having allowed himself to be captured.

"I need to get you to the safehouse. Then I need to go back for everyone," Meredy explained, the two of them supporting each other as they walked through the dark dungeon where Macbeth was being held.

"But, how did you even get here? How did you know I had been captured?"

Meredy looked somber. "When they came for us, I knew the only way they'd have known was if something had happened to you. As for your location, my sensory link allows me to feel anything anyone I'm linked to is feeling. Ask the right question to the right person and you'll get all you information you need to know."

"Your magic's gotten really impressive," Macbeth admitted. "You should be proud of yourself."

Meredy smiled warmly before she turned and led him in an unexpected direction. "Here," she said in a hushed voice. The dream mage turned to see an area in the wall partially crumbling. "Easy now," Meredy said as the two of them took turn stepping over the uneven rubble.

"Did you do this?" Macbeth asked, referring to the dirt passage they were now walking through.

Meredy shook her head. "Nope. Apparently there is a whole network of tunnels under the City that the mages had built to help move people out during the war. Unfortunately, the city wasn't the only area experiencing the violence. This way," she said as they climbed through another large hole in the wall.

Upon exiting, Macbeth found himself back above ground and in an outdoor alleyway. "The safehouse is just up this way," Meredy said. As they rounded the corner, the two breathed a sigh of relief as they entered the Guild's hideout. Meredy, having more energy of the two, did a quick check of the small apartment to ensure there were no intruders, which there weren't.

Macbeth took a seat at the table and looked at his Guildmate. "There's something you're not telling me," he said. He knew Meredy and something wasn't quite right.

She sighed. "In all of your encounters with Agosto, did anything feel," she hesitated, "familiar to you?"

Macbeth closed his eyes, trying to think about the magical energy signatures he had felt from the man. "I—I don't know. His magical signature is mixed up with the crystal. The etherion crystal was almost everything I sensed from the man." He opened his eyes and fixed the young woman with a firm stare. "Why?"

Meredy squeezed her eyes before taking a deep breath. "Agosto is apparently Siegrain."

Macbeth's eyes widened. "What?" he exclaimed. "That's not possible. The blast—it killed him!"

Meredy shook her head. "Almost. It aged him, which is why he looks the way he does now. But he was able to absorb some of the energy. He's the one distorting everybody's memories."

"Holy shit," Macbeth breathed out.

"Yeah," Meredy replied.

"Does Jellal know?"

Meredy nodded. "I won't mince words, we don't have the time. It's not good. He's got some half-baked idea to use Erik to try and communicate with the dragon souls under the Tower. And now Siegrain's helping him."

Macbeth couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd looked up to Jellal, they all had. He'd been a leader for them in a time of confusion and loss, giving them a path forward. How could he have fallen so far from what he preached? "The rest of the team cannot be okay with this!"

"They weren't. But that didn't matter. With the two brothers working together, and Siegrain being able to drain people's magical energy, they didn't stand a chance."

"How did you escape?" Macbeth asked.

"I was the last of the group to enter the Tower once we got an entrance cleared. I'd heard something in the forest outside; thought it might have been Erik coming back so I left to check it out. Turns out it was Siegrain and he had Erik and Lucy hostage. I hid myself before I could get away to find you." She wiped a tear away from her cheek. "I wanted to help them, but as soon as Agosto showed up, I knew I had to come get you."

Macbeth opened his arms and Meredy stepped into his embrace, letting their shared link pass the feelings of comfort and reassurance of her actions warm her. "I've got to go back for them," she sniffed into his chest.

Het pet her hair gently as he considered what she had told him and combined it with what he knew of the man. "We need a plan," Macbeth said firmly. "The crystals. Did he say anything about them?"

"He uses them to transfer his magic power or something," Meredy explained as best as she could.

Macbeth thought about the large crystal he had seen in Siegrain's bedchamber and it suddenly clicked. "He's using that crystal as some sort of low level magic emitter. I bet if we destroy it, people's memories will go back to normal."

Meredy's eyes widened. "He said the blast aged him and he could barely handle the effects. He said he's had to use the crystals to cope."

Macbeth nodded his head. "That excess energy from the blast he absorbed has to go somewhere. He's got a big one back in his chambers at the mansion. I bet he's using it like some sort of battery and then turning it on everyone. We've got to destroy it!"

"But how will we get to it?"

"You said there was a network of tunnels beneath the city?" Macbeth asked with a raised eyebrow and Meredy smiled at the realization. "If Agosto is occupied, no one else is a mage. We'll be able to use our magic at will."

"What about the others?" she asked.

"How's your distance linking?"

Meredy nodded. "Better."

"Can you try and link with one of the others?"

"I'll try Sorano. Of everyone, she and I have linked the most times." She looked at Macbeth. "I'll need to cut our bond while I try and reach out to her. You're going to lose a lot of energy," she said.

Macbeth nodded before suddenly it felt like he'd been sucker punched. He slumped forward on the table, his eyes closing as he moved in and out of consciousness. He wasn't sure how long he'd been out for when he finally came to, the link with Meredy reestablished and giving him energy. She was panting from the effort but smiling. "They're okay."

"Good. Then we need to move quickly. We can't afford the crystal being relocated."

. . .

Sorano winced as her eyes cracked open. A voice was filtering in her head and a hazy pink glow floated in her vision. She blinked several times before realizing that her wrist was lighting up with Meredy's magic.

 _"Sorano! Please answer me!"_ the voice sounded desperate in her head.

 _"I'm here!"_ she replied with what little strength she could muster.

 _"Oh thank goodness. Is everyone okay?"_

Angel looked around the room to see the two brothers encased in some rock prison and Erik leaning against the table breathing heavily. She could see the rest of her team stirring around her. _"I think everything is under control. Where are you?"_

 _"I went to get Macbeth. I'll fill you in later. We're headed to Agosto's chambers in the mansion. If everything goes according to plan, within the next hour, the entire kingdom should get their memories back."_

Angel tried to make sense of what she was being told in her hazy state. _"I don't—what should we do?"_

 _"Can you come to the safehouse?"_

Angel looked over at the two brothers. _"I don't think so. Better come back to the Tower when it's all over."_

 _"Okay,"_ Meredy projected. _"We'll figure it out. Stay safe."_

 _"You too,"_ Angel replied before the link ended and her consciousness faded.

END CHAPTER 21

. . .

 ** _This chapter had nothing to do with me. I didn't even make a goddam appearance. Seriously, we finally get an update and Mus has to write me out of the action? And after we had such an amazing last fight scene? That's just cold._**

 ** _Things are going to be different when I'm in charge. That's for damn sure!_**

 ** _Guys, I'm not even gonna lie. I totally wasn't tracking the Meredy Macbeth duo. Mus is a sneaky little cun—_**

 ** _-relax, I was going to say cunning writer._**

 ** _Cobra out._**

 ** _Cobra in—CoLu week is going on right now. So apparently the best Mus can do to participate is get this story updated. She said something about having a life, but I seriously doubt that._**

 ** _Cobra back out._**


	22. Chapter 22

**Shards and Shit**

. . .

"Explain to me how we're supposed to sneak into this guy's bedroom, again?" Meredy asked with doubt in her eyes.

Macbeth leaned around the corner to peer at the castle staff he had once been a part of. "We're going to blend."

Meredy looked at Macbeth's current outfit and hairstyle and then down at her own. "Oh yeah, we blend."

"Relax. I managed to perfect disguise magic since I've been undercover here. I use my magic to essentially lull people into a dreamlike state while they're fully awake. They see the illusion of what I want them to see."

Meredy couldn't help but nod her head. "Impressive."

"Let's just hope no one was told the real reason for my sudden disappearance."

"I doubt it," Meredy replied. "Generally kidnappings aren't routinely broadcast."

"Good point. Alright stay there," Macbeth said. Taking a seat against the wall he reached out for his partners hands and held them between his own gently. Meredy couldn't help but blush but within seconds she was distracted by finding herself in a completely different outfit and a good bit more tan than her normal pale skin. She turned her hands over and gave her outfit a once over, nodding her head in approval.

"I wish I looked this good all the time!" she said in an excited whisper.

Macbeth couldn't help but agree. While her appearance had changed, her body was still hers and it looked damn good in the maid's outfit. "Alright," he said, clearing his throat and standing up. "Let's go."

The pair walked through the busy kitchen with purpose, Meredy following Macbeth's lead over to where the laundry was being folded. He grabbed a set of fresh linens and placed them on a cart and the two of them walked out the door behind them.

Meredy let out a sigh of relief. "That went a lot smoother than I thought it might."

No sooner had she said the words than Rid, Macbeth's previously assigned cleaning partner, turned towards them from another hallway, no doubt heading back to the main staff area. "Shit," Macbeth cursed under his breath. "He was there when I got found out," he whispered.

"Stay calm," Meredy breathed out, keeping a smile on her face as they approached the younger man.

"Midny? Is that you?" Rid asked as he saw Macbeth. "I didn't know what had happened to you. I had gotten assigned to another partner. I was sure you had left the castle's employ."

"Hi Rid!" Macbeth replied warmly. "I wouldn't dream of it. Just out for a few days with a pretty bad cold, that's all."

"Oh, I see." Rid looked between Macbeth and Meredy. "Where are you headed now."

Macbeth tried to wrack his brain for what the normal schedule would be around this time. Not knowing for certain, he decided to take a guess rather than appear suspicious. "Changing linens in one of the spare guestrooms. This here's Darla, it's her first day. Just showing her the ropes."

"Oh," Rid said a little apprehensively. "I wasn't aware the castle had guests. I didn't see it on the schedule."

"Yeah," Macbeth chuckled a bit. "It was sort of a last minute thing I guess. Well, anyways, nice seeing you Rid!" Macbeth said quickly, moving around his old partner as Meredy followed.

The pair heard Rid's hurried footsteps towards the kitchen and both of them cursed and picked up their own pace. "That little snitch, he's gonna go tell the head maid and then we are fucked. She will call security. We've gotta go, now!"

Meredy followed Macbeth through a maze of corridors before they finally rounded a corner to see a pair of large double oak doors. "This is it!" Macbeth said, not stopping to slow down.

"Doesn't he have security?" Meredy wondered as she watched Macbeth all but kick the doors down.

"The only thing important is the crystal and he's got that heavily runed. No one can do magic," Macbeth responded quickly.

Meredy followed him through the double doors and watched as he hurried over to a large dresser in the corner of the room. She watched as he fumbled slightly to try and unlock the runes.

"Here," she said, hurrying to his side. "Let me." Within a few seconds, she had the magical seal off the bottom drawer and was pulling it open. The whole room suddenly took on a faint glow and Meredy could feel the magical energy pulsing off the large piece of crystal. "What do we do with it?"

"We've got to destroy it," Macbeth said quickly, turning to look at the doors. He knew any minute someone would come rushing in to confront them.

"Do you know if that's safe? Shouldn't we try and inform the public or something?"

"Shit," Macbeth cursed. He really didn't know what might happen if they just destroyed the crystal. Maybe everyone would get their memories back all at once and everything would be fine. But maybe it would induce severe bouts of PTSD or worse and he really didn't want that on his conscience. "Let's take it to the tower then," he said and Meredy nodded.

"They're in here," the pair heard someone shout from further down the hallway.

Macbeth stood in the center of the room as Meredy lifted the shard out of its casing. His magic was weak and already strained with the disguise magic, but he could drop that now and hopefully it would free up some of his energy for what he needed right now. Meredy felt a wave hit her and her appearance shifted back to normal. She heaved the large shard onto her shoulder and stood just as a group of people ran into the room with mechanical weapons at the ready.

"SLEEP!" Macbeth shouted as soon as they approached the room. Meredy felt her own magic power drop slightly, forcing her to brace herself against the wall but it appeared Macbeth's move was successful as she watched guards and other security members fall onto the floor in a deep slumber.

"I don't know how long that will last," Macbeth admitted as he motioned for her to come closer. "We'll need to find another way out that doesn't put us past everyone," he said as he thought to himself.

Turning round on his heels, he headed back into the bed chamber and began looking around. Meredy looked at him with confusion. "What are you looking for?"

"An access panel or something like it."

"The tunnels!" Meredy exclaimed, the lightbulb finally turning on in her brain.

"Exactly. He probably had an entrance in here somewhere." Meredy ran into the attached bathroom, which was almost as large as the chamber itself and began opening all the doors. Finally, when she entered the closet and pushed aside a good deal of clothing, she found a small door with another magical seal.

"Here!" she called out to Macbeth and he came running over. She handed the shard to him as she worked on the rune lock and within minutes the pair was making their escape through the tunnels that ran under the castle.

. . .

"You scared the shit out of me," Lucy mumbled to the man who was currently sitting next to her on the ground. The pair leaned back against the wall but Cobra hadn't let his sight falter from the pair of brothers that were currently tied up with magic cancelling cuffs to a rather large and sturdy looking beam towards the side of the crumbling building.

"Wasn't all that fun for me either," Cobra chuckled before adding, "Well at least the first part wasn't. The second part was fucking awesome."

Lucy narrowed her eyes. "Is there something you wanted to tell me?"

"Yes," Cobra replied. "But not now."

"Why not now?" Lucy huffed.

"Um, because we are sitting in the dungeon of my nightmares, watching two twin brothers, one of which is supposed to be dead, waiting for our teammates to destroy a crystal so an entire nation can get their memories back."

"Details," Lucy sighed in a mocking tone.

"Actually," Cobra sighed. "There was one thing I wanted to tell you."

"Oh yeah?" Lucy asked, her interest peaked. Erik was rarely serious.

"I learned something while I was under."

Shifting in front of him instantly stopped their conversation. It was Siegrain. "So, you think you're going to rule the Kingdom now, is that it?" he began to taunt. It was obvious he was somewhat delirious but Cobra couldn't help but engage.

"What's it to you?"

"This is my kingdom," Siegrain spat. "The people voted for me. Your blood means nothing."

"Erik, what is he talking about, your blood?" Lucy asked.

Siegrain began to laugh wildly. "I bet you're just gonna use this as an opportunity to get her to drop her panties. You're pathetic!" he all but yelled.

Cobra resisted the urge to walk over to the deranged man and bitch slap him. "I don't need to tell her any of this to get her to drop her panties for me. She's already done it once before. I think I was good enough to warrant a second round."

Lucy looked at him with a bit of disgust. "What is he _talking_ about?"

"Haven't told her, huh?"

"I just found out, dipshit," Cobra responded.

"You're little boyfriend is the missing price of this kingdom," Siegrain sneered. "And he thinks he's going to get to rule in my place."

"Never said that," Cobra chimed in as Lucy gasped.

"They voted for me."

"Was that before or after you wiped their memories?" Cobra said with his own glare.

"I did what I had to do to help this kingdom recover. You remember what it was like. You remember what we had to go through. No one needs that pain."

"You're wrong," Cobra responded. "Pain makes you stronger. And pain makes you less likely to repeat stupid shit you did in the past."

"Erik, are you really the heir to the throne?" Lucy asked, still processing the information she had just learned.

"Yeah. Bummer."

Lucy furrowed her brow. "Bummer?"

"He's upset because he realizes his days of slacking off are pretty much over now," Sorano chimed in from the other side of the room as she tended to Sawyer's wounds.

"Shut it," Cobra yelled back before turning to Lucy and whispered, "but she is right. This is gonna be such a pain."

"This is my kingdom!" Siegrain began repeating and Cobra rolled his eyes. Cobra rolled his eyes realizing that this entire situation was ready to totally fuck him.

END CHAPTER 22

. . .

 ** _Don't get me wrong—being king sounds awesome. But it also sounds like a lot of paperwork. But maybe I can hire someone to handle that for me. But then I'd need to post an application and do interviews. And where does a king post a wanted ad? Fuck, I'm seeing a cycle of trapped work._**

 ** _Fuck it! I'm abdicating._**


	23. Chapter 23

**Sex and Candy-Asses and Kings**

. . .

 _"Exactly. He probably had an entrance in here somewhere." Meredy ran into the attached bathroom, which was almost as large as the chamber itself and began opening all the doors. Finally, when she entered the closet and pushed aside a good deal of clothing, she found a small door with another magical seal._

 _"Here!" she called out to Macbeth and he came running over. She handed the shard to him as she worked on the rune lock and within minutes the pair was making their escape through the tunnels that ran under the castle._

. . .

It'd been roughly two weeks since Macbeth and Meredy had returned to the Tower with the shard that was trapping everyone's memories. Cobra had destroyed it as soon as they arrived with it, not giving it even a second thought.

Everyone had gasped and asked him why he'd done such a rash thing without first coming up with a plan for how to handle the situation. But Cobra had scoffed and just said that the people's memories had been held prisoner for too long. Waiting would just allow people to delay or worse, possibly prevent, restoring things to their natural order. So he'd gone ahead and used a bit of his newfound powers to smash the thing to pieces.

The memories of the war didn't return to people immediately. It seemed to come in waves, with people slowly beginning to recognize the signs of battles left in the streets for what they really were. There was no uprising, no turmoil. Just a gentle acceptance of what had happened, much to everyone's surprise.

The twin brothers were being held in the castle prison; that much everyone agreed upon. They would stand trial for their crimes once people were fully self-aware again. In the meantime, the Kingdom fell into a system of self-governance at the local level.

Cobra had not made it public that he was the missing prince that everyone thought had been killed. And he rather wanted it that way. He still hadn't decided exactly what to do with that piece of information and of course, his teammates respected that and kept his confidence.

He leaned back against the sofa in the room he had claimed as his own for the time being in the palace. "This place is so goddamn stuffy," he complained.

Lucy looked up from whatever papers she was reading across the room with a confused look. "The room we're sitting in is larger than most people's houses. How on earth could it be stuffy?"

Cobra rolled his eyes. "I don't mean like stanky stuffy. I mean like oppressive, toxic environment, expectations stuffy."

"Oh," Lucy said, knowing exactly what was on Erik's mind. She put down the reports she'd been reading and walked over to where Erik was sprawled out. She took a seat on the lush carpet near where he was resting his head and gave him a knowing look. "Did you want to talk about it?"

Cobra gave her a sly grin. "Not with you kneeling like that. You know I love it when you're on your knees."

"I'll agree to that if you agree to tell me what you're thinking."

"Deal," Cobra said all too quickly. "What I'm thinking is that you stay there and then I'll just sit up like this," he said, righting himself on the sofa and spreading his legs, "and then you'll be in the perfect position."

Lucy groaned. "You know that's not what I meant."

"But it is what you said," he said with a wink.

Lucy had to admit that she was feeling pretty strung out. The last time she'd had any sort of release was when her and Erik had made camp in the woods. And seeing your lover be tortured to almost death on a table in front of you while the leader of your guild, whom you previously had a crush on, admitted to betraying an entire nation along with his twin brother was pretty stressful. A girl needed to be taken care of after an event like that.

"Your soul wants sex," Cobra snickered.

"Excuse me?" Lucy retorted immediately.

Cobra leaned forward and before Lucy could stop it, he had her hand around the back of her neck and was pressing his lips against her own. "Erik," she tried to say between kisses but he just continued to move against her until she finally relented to what she knew she needed.

He laid her out on the soft rug and removed his shirt rather quickly. Lucy pulled her own small dress up and off her body so that the only thing left remaining on her was her panties. Erik smiled as he looked down at her, appreciating her form and Lucy's need sky rocketed. She reached down and roughly undid his belt and pants, pushing them off his body until he was able to kick them away himself.

He was on her in an instant, pressing his form into hers, grinding himself against her. His hard cock pushed against her panty-covered core and she moaned at the feeling of it. Erik's hands worked her breasts as he lips moved down to suck against her neck and she smiled at the sensations. He was as good as she remembered him being their first time together.

This coupling wasn't slow, it was fast and fueled by need and before long, Erik was pushing aside her panties and pressing himself into her. Lucy moaned as his cock filled and satisfied her and before long, he was flipping her over and fucking her with abandon. She screamed his name as he continued to drive her to new heights before they both finally came in ecstasy.

Erik collapsed on the rug beside her and pulled her close. Silence stretched on between them as they both caught their breath but it wasn't uncomfortable. Finally Lucy remarked, "I don't think I've ever known you to be this quiet."

Erik just smiled weakly and kissed the top of her forehead. "I guess a deal's a deal."

"So you'll tell me what's going on in that head of yours?"

"I'll do my best," he responded, a bit nervous at being totally honest. But if there was anyone in the world to be completely raw and truthful with, he knew it was Lucy. "I'm not sure whether to go public with who I really am," he admitted. "I'm afraid that people will either hate me for letting what happened happen or that I'll be heaped with a mountain of unrealistic expectations if the people do accept me. I don't do well with rules."

Lucy listened quietly as he talked, just letting him vent out his feelings.

"Maybe I won't be good enough or be able to handle the tasks I'm given. My father died for this country. I feel like I've already let him down in some regards by everything that happened. But, I'm afraid of messing things up even worse."

Lucy could feel Erik's heart beating rapidly in his chest and she hugged him tighter, tangling her legs with his. "First off, what family you were born into doesn't change who you are. You'll always be Erik, whether you disclose your birth or not won't change that." Erik listened to her words in quiet reflection.

"And I don't know what the right answer to this question is, but you were so certain that the people deserved to have their memories back that you destroyed that shard without a second thought. Do you think it's fair to let them continue to think that you were murdered?"

Erik twisted his lips. Lucy had a point. Damn it, she hated it when she made such sense. "I guess it's not really fair for me to keep that information a secret. I don't want to be responsible for continuing a lie that was perpetrated on the people."

Lucy propped herself up on her elbow and brushed a bit of stray hair away from Erik's eyes. "Look, I don't know whether or not that's the right answer. But I think in your heart, you know what the right answer is. You just need to have the confidence to act on it."

Erik gave her a weak smile. "What if they reject me?"

Lucy grinned. "Then flip them all the bird and continue to live your life. But at least you won't have some major secret weighing on you when you do."

"Thanks, Lucy," Erik said with a laugh. She knew him all too well, because that was totally something he would do.

. . .

"You ready?" Lucy asked and Cobra nodded. Lucy stepped back and he squeezed her hand briefly before heading out on the stage in front of the crowd of people gathered there. She had to admit, he looked damn good in the white coat atop a black leather trimmed outfit.

"Alright, everyone just shut up for a minute," his voice boomed out above the crowd and Lucy face palmed. He was certainly not the most regal of characters.

"As you all know, I was the one to destroy that crystal that was holding all of your memories hostage. You're welcome. Agosto was convicted by a jury of his peers last week for his crimes against the Kingdom and was justly sentenced to a shit ton of community service."

"He should have been killed!" someone shouted from the crowd.

"Shut up! Don't be ignorant!" Cobra yelled back, pointing at whomever it was that made the comment. "Killing got us into this fucking mess. We're not just going to revert to chopping off people's heads because we can. He did wrong by the Kingdom so he'll spend the rest of his life making it right. Moving on," he said with emphasis. "I've gathered you all here today to share something that I think you deserve to know."

Lucy walked out on stage hearing her cue, the appropriate silver key in hand.

"My friend Lucy here is a Celestial Wizard and she can summon Celestial Spirits, like so," Cobra said. Upon his words, Lucy brought forth Grandpa Crux, whom she had begged to take a nap _before_ today's event so that he stood a chance of staying awake through the whole thing.

"Grandpa Crux has something to tell all of you. Go ahead Gramps," Cobra said, moving to the side just a bit.

He and Lucy had discussed this and they both felt it would be better if her spirit, rather than Cobra himself, revealed the news.

"Twenty some years ago you were all told that your Prince had been murdered. But you were lied to."

Gasps rose up in the crowd, but the Spirit continued, undisturbed.

"Your Prince was born a Mage. The King's brother used it as an excuse to try and seize power, which as you know, started the Kingdom's civil war. But the Prince was never killed. He was kidnapped and taken to what you now know as the ruins on the edge of the forest and experimented on by palace scientists."

Hushed murmurs continued amongst the crowd at this news.

"I've been summoned here today to tell you that that Prince stands before you now. Erik Caelum, please step forward."

Cobra did and the crowd collectively gasped.

"How do we know he's telling the truth?" someone shouted from the back.

Lucy stepped forward then. "Celestial Spirits are unable to lie. They are not of this world. Plus, Grandpa Crux is the record keeper for this Realm. Ask him anything and he will know the answer. Even things no one else would know, he'll be able to answer you if you wish to test his veracity."

The crowd shouted various personal questions at the Sprit in turn, the being answering each correctly until it seemed like the people had no choice but to accept that the Spirit truly did know all historical events and must be speaking the truth.

"If everyone's satisfied then," Cobra said in exasperation "You're probably all wondering what happens next." Several members in the crowd nodded their heads and Cobra continued. "Look, I don't really want to be Prince or King for that matter. It sounds like a lot of work. And it seems like you guys have a really good thing going on with your elected village leaders. "So, I'm willing to have things continue as is, but I just felt like everyone should at least know the truth."

Lucy's heart internally swelled with pride at Erik being so honest with his words. She knew it had taken him a lot to get to this point.

Fervent whispers passed back and forth amongst the crowd until finally someone stepped forward and onto the stage. "My name is Richard and I, along with Sawyer and Sorano were elected representatives of the Mage district. Erik has long been my teammate and I propose that we allow the royal family to continue, but on a limited basis. There is a long history of the royal family in Caelum and to do away with it would be a dishonor to the many Kings and Queens that dedicated their lives to the service of this Kingdom. However, given recent events, I believe that self-governance and love for all is the true way forward. As such, I believe we allow the Royal Family to act as liaison amongst each of the Kingdom's counties, but have no direct authority over any local government."

The crowd seemed generally favorable towards Richard's proposal, gathering strength in their approval over the course of several minutes.

Cobra hadn't at all expected Richard to do what he had done. He would have been fine with just fading back into his normal life if that's what the people chose. He stepped forward, next to Richard and put a hand to his shoulder. "I will need the vote of all the people for me to accept this proposal. Go and talk it over with your elected officials. In one month's time, send your delegates back to this place at this time and we will make the vote official."

The people clapped and cheered for the decision and the meeting broke up within a quick amount of time, which was fortunate because Grandpa Crux had fallen completely asleep.

END CHAPTER 23

 ** _I have to say that I'm already shaping up to be a pretty kick ass king. A king with no authority to do much of anything? I hope that means zero responsibility too, because if so, that's awesome. Maybe they'll make me into a United Lands sort of king. I'll just do whatever and no one will pay any attention to me. Maybe Lucy will just handle everything…That'd be nice._**

 ** _Later subjects!_**


	24. Chapter 24

**Epilogue: Cause you know you want more**

. . .

 _Cobra hadn't at all expected Richard to do what he had done. He would have been fine with just fading back into his normal life if that's what the people chose. He stepped forward, next to Richard and put a hand to his shoulder. "I will need the vote of all the people for me to accept this proposal. Go and talk it over with your elected officials. In one month's time, send your delegates back to this place at this time and we will make the vote official."_

 _The people clapped and cheered for the decision and the meeting broke up within a quick amount of time, which was fortunate because Grandpa Crux had fallen completely asleep._

. . .

"Erik, can you please hold him for just a second," Lucy said, a bit of frustration coming through in her voice.

Cobra looked at his wife as she cradled their son in her arms as best as she could while trying to fit her arm through the other sleeve of her dress. In a weird twist of fate, Cobra's child was just as rambunctious as he was and even at a small age, the child tried desperately to wriggle out of his mother's embrace.

"Here," he said, lifting the little monster from her arms and holding him tight against him. His son giggled as he batted at his father's face and Cobra couldn't help but get drawn into the child's antics. He lifted him over his head and flew him around the room like an airplane while the two of them laughed.

Lucy sighed in relief as she managed to put on her gown without trying to fight the tiny creature. She held her breath in as she zipped the dress up, which was a bit tighter than she remembered it being. The blonde shrugged. It was what it was.

She turned to look over at the pair and couldn't help but smile. Erik had turned out to be an amazing father. She'd been rather nervous to tell him that she was pregnant originally but now she knew how silly that had been.

 _"Erik. Would you mind if we just sat down for a second? I've got something to tell you," the blonde fidgeted nervously._

 _Cobra looked at his lover with a furrowed brow. This wasn't like her. Normally, she was full of light and life but she seemed completely preoccupied._

 _"What is it?" he asked, surprising even himself at how mature he was being. Of course being confirmed through a vote of the delegates as the King of Caelum had done a lot to his level of responsibility. Delusions of being a King in name only had faded quickly and he relied on Lucy for a good deal of assistance as they sorted everything out._

 _It had been her that originally had suggested they revert back to a system of both trial and sentencing by separate juries for Jellal and Siegrain. Cobra had been all for that. In his opinion, lifetime appointment of judges seemed like a great way to let people get a way with a lot of shit. Ultimately both juries had found the pair of brothers guilty. Siegrain was sentenced to a lifetime of servitude to help repair the damage he'd caused but Jellal had been exiled._

 _Cobra turned his attention back to his lover as she began to speak. "Well, you see, it's just that, we've been together for a while now," she said, her voice a bit uneven. "And we haven't exactly been the most responsible about that."_

 _Cobra wasn't exactly sure what she was getting at but he tried his best to stay quiet and let her finish._

 _"And sometimes when two adults are together and are also not responsible, they end up creating something that they didn't intend to."_

 _"Holy shit, are you pregnant?" Cobra asked, finally understanding what the woman was trying to say._

 _"Please don't be mad," she said immediately. "I didn't realize that my birth control mark had faded and I forgot to ask about yours."_

 _"Are you kidding me?" Cobra exclaimed and Lucy winced. "This is fucking awesome!" Relief replaced her look of concern as she started to make sense of the entire situation._

 _"Do you know the gender? When will it be born? Do you think it will look like us? How long till it gets here?" Cobra started rattling off questions before ending it with, "Let's go get married."_

 _"Um, no," Lucy said definitively._

 _Cobra was stunned. Did she just say no? He turned to look at his lover. "What gives?"_

 _"I'm not going to marry you just because I'm pregnant. That's not a reason to get married."_

 _"Um, yes it is," he said, matter of factly._

 _"No it's not. Marriage is about you and me," she said, pointing at each of them in turn. "Not about whomever this will be," she said, pointing at her womb._

 _Cobra wriggled his nose. "Oh, I'll get you to marry me. I'll get you to marry the fuck out of me, just you wait."_

Lucy smiled at the memory. He was right. Erik had been relentless about proposing. Practically every time she saw him, he'd propose and she refused-until finally she'd agreed. But it wasn't really about the proposals, through all his efforts and through all the rejections she had given him, he had proven to her that he really did care about him and her, irrespective of the child they had made together. So finally, a little over a year later, their own wedding day had finally arrived.

Cobra turned to look at his wife when he felt his eyes on them. He pulled his son back into his arms and the child quieted down, tired from all the excitement. Lucy looked stunning in her navy blue dress dotted with bright white stars made from crystals. He loved that she had gone non-traditional. The entire wedding broke all formalities. It was in the morning, there was no wedding party, there had been no rehearsals and of course the pair got ready together. It was fucking perfect.

"Doesn't mommy look pretty?" he asked his son, who merely giggled and burped in response.

Lucy smiled in return as Cobra moved in for a kiss. A knock on the door broke up the moment and Cobra answered. Angel entered the room and blanched. "Jeez, you guys look way too happy together. It's making me sick."

"One day you'll grow up and then you'll understand," he said in a mocking tone with a bit of a cackle at the end.

Lucy sighed. These two would never change. She'd been surprised when Sorano had agreed to come work at the palace as part of Cobra's staff. But she'd said something like he needed a babysitter and that was that. Meredy and Macbeth had decided to return to Fiore and continue the work of Crime Sorciere. As Meredy put it, it wasn't that Jellal's ideals were so wrong. It's just that his objectives had become twisted along the way. Both her and Macbeth felt somewhat indebted to the man and promised that they would do their best to help him regain his humanity and atone for his sins in exile. And of course Richard and Sawyer had been elected delegates of the Mage District in Caelum and had taken it upon themselves to help the rebuilding effort.

Angel made a face, bringing Lucy back to the present. "Gross. Anyways, things are about to start. I'm here to take the little one," she said.

Cobra handed his son over to his adoptive sister and said, "Here. Don't drop him."

"I'd never," Angel responded. "We wouldn't want him to turn out just like you."

Cobra bowed, acknowledging her witty insult and the woman left with a laugh herself.

"Ready," Cobra asked, turning to Lucy with an outstretched arm. The woman said nothing, but wrapped her own arm around his and nodded, following him out to where all their friends were waiting.

END INTO THE TOWER

. . .

 ** _Well there you have it. It just goes to show you that if you don't take things seriously, goof off constantly, bang chicks that are hot, and wreck things without regard for the future, you're guaranteed to one day be King. This whole parenting thing is going to be a breeze. I'm already such a good role model._**

 ** _I'd say thanks for sticking with my entire story but let's be honest, you simply can't get enough of me, so you're welcome. Mus said she needs to take a break from my insanity for a while, which I don't understand. But that means there may be less of me for a while. Feel free to send her your complaints en masse._**

 ** _Later bitches! Cobra out._**


End file.
